The Dream Messenger
by zenofbeingmommy
Summary: After they are forced from the farm, Carol forges complicated relationships with two men and must ultimately decide where her heart lies. An AU where Shane did not die at the farm, but continued on with the group. Shane/Carol/Daryl Rating M for language and sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:** this is an AU in which Shane did not die at the farm, but lived to continue on with the group - as fair warning, this is, at the heart of it, a Caryl story, but it explores a complex relationship dynamic that won't truly be understood until the end - I have decided to start posting the story now, even though I am nowhere close to finished - I'm going to see where the story takes me - based on what I have so far, this has the potential of being a rather long story, but I make no promises - honest feedback is always welcome and appreciated - my intention is to update weekly with a new chapter on Sundays_

_The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

Slanted light filled the cramped space. It came through the wooden slat walls that had shrunken over time, weathered without care and maintenance. Daybreak or later, hard to tell as she had just woke and did not have a time reference. She scanned her memory for why she was here and the reason was sudden and clear. A walker.

She had been looking for tools in the grounds maintenance shed. Set apart from the main property, it likely held treasures that had not been plundered from the house. It seemed that mansions were the first to be ransacked when things got crazy. Shane and Daryl had told her to stay put while they cleared the house room by room, but she had gotten bored and wanted to prove useful. They had brought her to help them gather supplies because she had a better sense than they did of what the group needed, but they were taking their time in the large house. She had her knife and the grounds seemed quite deserted. They would be best served if she collected what they needed from the shed she had spotted when they first entered the property while Shane and Daryl finished their sweep.

The early autumn day was warm and bright. Perhaps she should have told them where she was headed, but she didn't plan to be gone long, and she would leave the door to the shed open if they did come looking. Her feet crunched through the drying grass as she advanced toward the shed, aware of every sound and movement. There were no walkers out here. The stretch of lawn between the house and shed was wide and open, and there was considerable distance from the shed to the tree line.

As she approached the shed all she heard were crickets. The late afternoon sun hit the windows of the tool shed and diffused through the dirty panes. But she was sure there was still enough light to search inside. A small padlock secured the door, but she was able to break it with a swift blow from the butt of her knife. The door creaked on its hinges as she gave it two strong pulls. It had been well over a year since it had last been opened. It was full of useful items - axes, shovels, picks, rope, as well as two large tool boxes filled with a variety of repair tools. What would make the most sense would be to bring the truck across the field and fill it rather than carry the tools back to the house.

After her inspection she turned to walk back and she heard a snap. Faint and in the distance, but clear. The crickets had stopped as well. She froze where she was standing and crept back into the shed, pulling the door behind her. There was no inner latch, but there was a hook to which she fastened a length of the rope that she secured around the leg of the workbench, creating a tension brace.

Through the dirt crusted windows, the best she could see were shapes and shadows. She could make out one walker shuffling by, slowly and without purpose, and then she heard a moan and mewling. A child. She felt her stomach clench and she covered her mouth to stifle a cry. She would not go out, could not go out. A child following its mother through the afterlife. It was too much and it made fresh her pain, which had begun to fade in the last couple of months. She felt her back hit the wall opposite the bench and she slid down, softly, quietly, sinking into her grief. She closed her eyes.

The pain was sharp. It starred her eyes. It ate her from the inside. She relived every moment with her baby girl and while the sun sank low and the shed filled with darkness she continued to wrestle her sorrow. That which she had put off for so long, she now faced, in the quiet dark, alone.

She hadn't realized that she'd fallen asleep until she woke and there was light.

"Carol!...Carol!...Carol!" they were shouting for her. She heard a muffled "over here!" and the door began to violently shake. She reached over and pulled the knot on the rope to loosen it from the bench leg. Suddenly the door flew up with such force she could hear the wood at the hinges splinter.

"Carol, what the fuck woman?" Daryl rushed to her side, silently checking her for bites and scratches.

"I...there were walkers...a child...I..."

Daryl cut her off. "How come you couldn't stay put? Why'd ya come down here alone for?"

Shane appeared at the entrance. "Found her eh? What the hell Carol? We've been looking for you for 20 minutes."

She stared at him disbelieving. It had been hours, she was sure of it.

Shane came forward and rested on one knee in front of her. He turned his head and looked up at Daryl. "She hurt?"

"I'm right here, why don't you ask me?" Carol lowered her eyelids and let the irritation in her tone speak for her.

"'cause I get the impression you don't listen. Seriously. We weren't gone that long. Do you know how dangerous it is out here wandering alone with nothing but a knife and your...skills?"

Carol glared at him. "I was just trying to save us some time is all. She looked past Shane to Daryl who was now standing. "Did you see them? The walkers."

"Naw, there was nothin' out there when we came up. Nothin' came running when we were out hollerin' your name neither." He put a finger to the side of his head and pointed at his eye. "I think you might be seeing things in this heat." Daryl turned away and exited the shed.

Shane stood and offered Carol his hand. She muttered "sorry" and followed him out of the shed back to the house. They both were silent but walked flanking her on each side. Carol was the first one to broach the silence. "I thought we could maybe bring the truck down here and get the tools."

"Sure, Carol, whatever _you_ want." Shane stared ahead and picked up his pace. Carol scampered to keep up with him but felt a hand on her left arm. She turned and saw Daryl shake his head at her. She slowed down and Shane stormed ahead.

"Let him go and burn it off, he'll be alright in a minute. He just doesn't like it when he's not in control of a situation. Don't do that again okay? We stay in groups for a reason." Daryl kept an easy pace beside her and they reached the house together. Shane was sitting on the steps glaring down the drive.

"We best get this circus back on the road before it gets dark. I'm going to go clear out the shed and I'll meet you both back here in a half hour." He looked directly at Daryl. "Don't let her out of your sight, we won't have another 20 minutes to dick around." Shane stormed off toward the truck and she watched as he yanked the ball cap from his head and tossed on the seat before climbing in.

"Don't let him bother you." Daryl watched him drive off and turned his attention to the house. At the door he swept to the side and let Carol enter. "Ladies first." He said and attempted a smile. Carol gave him a nod of thanks and did her best to return a smile though her mind was elsewhere.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N:** thank you to everyone who took time to read chap 1 of **The Dream Messenger**, and a special thank you to those who have reviewed - I hope you enjoy chap 2 - I would love to hear from you what you love most about Shane from TWD, please feel free to leave this in the reviews or send to me by private message - I need a little inspiration - fair warning, at the heart of this story, it is Caryl - but I am, at the moment, feeling a lot of Shane-love  
_

_The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

The house was beautiful. Sprawling and sparse and clean despite the thin film of dust, it would have been envied in its time. The floors were polished hardwood, the kitchen full of gorgeous counter tops and shiny appliances, each room professionally designed for photo perfect comfort and casual style. She sighed deeply, this was the kind of house that had filled her daydreams when she'd made time for them.

Daryl went into the family space just off the kitchen and returned with some bags that he tossed onto the empty counter. "Found these while we were clearing, thought you could use them." Daryl turned to scan the house and moved to close the front door. It was clear his function was guard. She quickly set about gathering clothes and supplies from the rooms, allowing Daryl to double check each one before she entered. Since the taking of the farm and his subsequent rescue of her, he'd become very protective. Taking care to always make sure he knew where she was. At first it wasn't obvious to her, but as their friendship grew, she became more and more aware of how often he looked in her direction, and looked to her during group discussions.

As the relationship between Shane and Rick became more strained with Lori's advancing pregnancy, she noticed more of an ease between Shane and Daryl, though it was obvious to her that Daryl didn't trust him. Something or things had happened at the farm that Daryl never spoke of, but she could see it in his eyes when he observed Shane from a distance. Any time Shane neared Carol, Daryl was quick to her side. It wasn't jealousy, that was clear. There wasn't the male chest puffing and word exchanges that would have hinted to that. No, she could tell, there was something else between them.

The medicine cabinets were a gold mine, as were the beauty supplies. She knew the girls would be excited tonight when the supplies were sorted. The clothes were all beautiful, but she took care to choose only those that would be both functional and last. Somehow she didn't imagine that cashmere had a place in their world now, though at the last moment she tucked a pink sweater into one of the bags, it would be nice for if they found somewhere more permanent for a while. The fishing camp they currently occupied would not be practical much longer due to the shifting herds.

While she sorted through the clothes efficiently, Daryl found a couple more bags in the closet and brought them to her. "We're gonna need something to transport the food in. Got any ideas?" He was leaning against the door frame, inspecting his crossbow and wasn't looking at her. She took a moment to scan his frame and shuddered inward slightly. He was handsome in a rugged way, and cute, yeah, cute sometimes. Especially if he was focused on something and lost the awareness that held his scowl in place. He raised his eyes when she didn't respond. "Whatcha lookin' at?"

She pointed, over his shoulder towards the room behind him. "I saw some file boxes in the office there, no one will be needing those files now, so you can empty them, and if there is a large cooler we could use another back at camp, might be one in the garage." She blushed slightly when he turned to look at the room.

"Wonder if there is anything worth getting in there, 'sides those boxes." She zipped the last bag and he moved forward to grab the bags off the bed and heft them into the hall. "Nothin' breakable, right?" He questioned as he raised the first up to throw it to the entry below.

"No, all good with those, I've got the breakables here." She motioned to the pack on her back.

The bags made a heavy thud when they struck. Daryl seemed to take pleasure in tossing them, raising each to his shoulder first before throwing them over the rail. Carol watched his muscles flex and strain with each motion. She was oddly aroused. Hadn't felt like that since she was in her early twenties probably. Life with her husband had kind of killed her interest in men. He'd become the representation of all men to her, and so she quickly found that filling her fantasy time with decorating and fashion was safer. Sure, she'd joked with the girls at the quarry about her vibrator, but that was more to bond with the group. Truth was, the thought of sex had reviled her for quite some time thanks to Ed and his careless roughness. It was only recently, free of him, and more importantly free of her moral sense of duty, that she'd started to allow her mind to drift again.

"Come and help me with these boxes. Soon enough Shane will be bustin' in here wanted to get back to the camp, and we've still gotta get the food." While Daryl emptied the boxes, she scanned the home office for something that might be of use. She found some blank notebooks and pens and shoved them into the pack on her back. Maybe Carl could use them for school work, though that had gone to the wayside once they'd lost Sophia. She supposed it was her responsibility to start it up with him again, as Lori would have her hands full with the baby. And maybe Lori would like one to keep a journal for the baby for when it was older. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to be born into a world like this, and to know history, well, that might be something treasured years down the line.

She followed Daryl down the stairs, and together they made quick work of what was left in the kitchen. Most of the canned goods had been plundered, but there were still a good number of dry goods that hadn't spoiled yet. In the garage Daryl found a stockpile of beer. When he came back from the garage struggling with a humongous cooler, she looked at him funny. A huge smile broke out on his face. "A shit-ton of beer. Good stuff. I filled this but there are some cases I'm gonna grab too. I bet if you look a bit you could find some wine in here for you. This seems like one a them houses that would have a fancy rack cooler."

She smiled at him, then took a peek behind the island. Sure enough, there it was, and full too. The wine was no longer cool, but that didn't matter. She found some reusable shopping bags and grabbed a dozen or so bottles. It seemed silly at the time, but she knew it might be nice for later. They hadn't really let down their guard since the CDC, but then again, that didn't turn out so well. She considered just leaving the wine on the counter, but Daryl was by her side grabbing up the bags before she could second guess herself. He hit the back side of his hand against her shoulder playfully. "See, I told ya. Fancy house, fancy cooler." His wide smile made her relax a bit. What, was she going to wait for the end of the world to have fun? Too late.

She helped Daryl take the bags and supplies from the house out into the yard. Shane was pulling the truck around and backing it into place near the front door. She started putting supplies in the back of the truck. Shane hopped out of the cab and was by her side selecting the heavier items to load. Daryl was in and out the front door bringing the remaining supplies. Suddenly in a clear Irish brogue she heard "I see you got your stupid fucking rope."

Shane turned and glared and Daryl. He had a bundle of rope slung over his head and one shoulder. "Is that right, Rambo?"

Daryl turned to get more from the house, but she could hear his laughter echoing in the vaulted entry. "Shit," Shane said under his breath, "I didn't think rednecks had TVs."

Carol stared at him blankly.

"Oh, sorry Carol, shouldn't have cussed like that." When she continued to stare at him, he laughed briefly. "I sometimes forget I'm in the presence of a lady. Don't suspect you watched a lot of action movies."

Carol just shrugged, and when Daryl brought out the next load, he and Shane high-fived. Their secret knowledge made her vaguely uncomfortable because she didn't get the context at all. She wished she could share this easy familiarity with someone. But what hobbies did she have? What did she like? Sophia had been her world for so long, she didn't really know who she was any more. And it made her sad.

She asked Shane to follow her to the garage to look for camp supplies, and while he was busy checking out the vehicles, she let her eyes roam the garage. She needed an interest, a new hobby. Something that she might be able to share with someone some day. She saw a dart board on the garage wall, complete with darts and a polished wooden cabinet. She removed it from the wall and carried it to the truck. At the very least it might improve her aim.

They finished loading the truck, Shane offered to drive, and Carol scooted to the middle, flanked on her right by Daryl. He slid in closer to her than he needed to, and his left knee brushed her right. "Sorry, bow needs a bit of room."

Shane glanced up and over and smiled at the two, sliding his right knee to brush her left. "Everybody ready?" Without waiting for a reply, he started the engine and eased down the driveway out to the street.

It was a good half hour back to camp, and Carol could feel the warmth of both men radiating through her pant legs. The cab of the truck suddenly felt very close. She adjusted herself up a bit, and tried to pull her knees closer together, but they were about as close as they could go. She kind of liked the touch and attention, but it also made her feel strange. Was it really necessary, was this some strange male battle that she didn't understand?


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N:** much appreciation for all of the reads and reviews - and thank you to those who shared the reasons why they love Shane - please feel free to continue to do so either in reviews or by private message - I appreciate the inspiration it gives  
_

___The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

Daryl had become a constant at her side since they'd found Sophia in the barn. The strange closeness with Shane was a different matter. After Sophia was found he'd shown a bit of tenderness and regret, most likely because he had been the most vocal about moving on once when they couldn't find her. The tenderness he'd shown was the same kind she'd seen from the law officers that came to her house the few times things got so bad with Ed that the neighbors called.

In her private grieving back at the farm, she'd taken to destroying a patch of Cherokee roses. When she'd come out of the woods, Shane had been standing there and had asked her if she was okay after he saw the vacant look in her eyes. He guided her gently to the pump to wash her hands, picked debris from her arms, and told her he was sorry about her girl. Despite her own grief, she caught the true regret in his eyes. Later, when she reflected back on that moment she realized it was the first time he had treated her as his confessor. He'd hinted that everyone thought ill of him, but he was just trying to keep everyone safe. It wasn't the last time he would share with her in that way.

He found Carol to be a port in the storm, someone who didn't judge him for his actions or his strong opinions. She sometimes found his methods aggressive, and his tact lacking, but Shane was about getting things done, even taking matters into his own hands if he felt things were out of control. He didn't always treat her the best, and often she felt like she was just an irritation to him. But when things started to go wrong with everyone else, he would seek her out to tell her his problems. He would confess things too, things that in all honesty made her uncomfortable, but she also knew that he had no one else, and if she wasn't there to help him release some of that steam verbally, he might physically unleash it on someone else.

Often it was about his deteriorating relationship with Rick. Inevitably he would bring up Lori and Carl. He would talk through his actions when things first got bad. He would talk about the duty he felt in needing to protect Lori and Carl. He would express remorse for losing himself in in Rick's family in his fear and own grief. But when he would talk about these things, she also sensed he was holding something back. Letting her in only on the version of the story that he told himself to feel better about the way it had turned out. Sometimes she would watch Shane, and inevitably he would be watching Lori or Carl. She sensed that he felt cheated, and that there were still resentments there. She supposed it had less to do with the fact that he had slept with Lori and more that he had challenged Rick's authority one too many times, as to why he and Rick were really at odds. In time one could forgive infidelity, but the desire to replace - that was something totally different.

Despite his new-found friendliness, it bothered her that his gentleness only surfaced when he was alone with her. In the group he made off-handed comments of irritation, directed at her or her actions. These were abusive in their own way, and they made her uncomfortable. And yet when he was one-on-one with her he could be almost a gentleman. He would ask her how she was doing, how she was feeling, if she needed anything. But then again he would usually follow that with his own dumping of all of the ways he had been wronged. She was torn between wanting to help him and wanting to tell him to go away, but she also knew that at this point, she was probably the only one that would listen to him. Hershel kept him at a distance and his daughters followed suit. Glenn and T-Dog were cautious around him. She did notice Daryl trying, but she was more and more sure that it had to do with keeping his enemies closer. Early on Shane had said disparaging things about both Daryl and his brother. It was clear he had a problem with rednecks, but in time, she noticed Shane's respect for Daryl grew. Most likely because he did a lot of good for the group.

Perhaps that was why Shane tolerated her. She cooked most of the meals, organized the laundry effort, and made sure that they had the supplies they needed and that they were stored safely. If anyone needed to know the state of practical matters, they usually came to Carol, because she knew. She knew just about everything. And she could read people. What she read off of Shane was a mix of unbridled rage and refined obsession. One day he surprised her out of the blue with his boldness.

"I thought about killing Rick, back at the farm. It was my intention when I lead Randall into the woods that night." Carol stared at Shane, quiet and reserved. When he went into confessional mode it was best to let himself walk through his own thoughts. He was scaring her, but she maintained the eye contact. "I know you probably think that is awful, but I'll tell you something, I've known Rick a long time, and he's known me, and we resolved it like brothers, though now he won't talk to me."

Carol knew then to sit quietly, if she let him go on long enough he would answer his own questions and come to his own conclusions, which was always the best way to handle Shane. If you backed him in a corner, he would come out swinging, and there was nothing more he wanted than to have his opinion challenged.

Now she sat quietly between the two, and neither spoke to the other or her. The drive back to the camp seemed to take exceptionally long, but it was likely her discomfort. About a mile from camp, Daryl broke the silence. "Stop here." Shane shot him an irritated look, but pulled over to the shoulder. "I saw a deer. I'll meet you back at camp, hopefully with dinner." Daryl gave Carol a slight nod and jumped out of the truck. He slung his crossbow over his shoulder and disappeared into the trees. Carol scooted over to the space he'd vacated.

"Damn fool is happiest when he is hunting I suspect. Not much of a people person." Shane hit the top of the steering wheel three times with the palm of his hand and turned to Carol. "Ready?"

All she could manage was a smile, which he returned. Shane drove the the last mile to the turn off slowly. She watched as his eyes scanned the surroundings, most likely looking for walkers. Their camp seemed rather secure and remote, but they still had a walker wander in from time to time. It was not a safe place from herds, which is why they had to move on soon, but Glenn had scouted the position of the two nearest herds, and they were safe for the time being.

"You know, I've been thinking, once we get Lori settled into a place for the baby...maybe it would be best if I went off on my own." He paused, waiting she knew for a response. What was she supposed to say to that? Don't go? She hesitated to tell him it would be for the best.

"Right before Carl got shot, I was planning on going off on my own, had a car ready and everything. Andrea even wanted to go with me. I wonder sometimes if it wouldn't have been for the best all around if I hadn't done just that." Shane was sure Andrea was dead ("Ain't no woman survive that on her own"), but Carol wasn't so sure. She hadn't actually seen Andrea go down after she saved her. She hoped that Andrea was still out there and would meet up with them again.

"I think you need to do what is right for you, and if you think you can make it on your own..."

"Shit Carol," he hissed at her. "What do you think I stay with y'all because I can't take care of myself? That's bullshit. It's just hard for me to leave Lori and Carl like that after everything we went through, y'know? I just want to be sure she has a safe place to be when that baby comes." He stopped at the turn off to the camp and put the truck in neutral.

He leaned close to her, as if to whisper. "I'll tell you what, too. Rick swears that baby is his, but Lori don't know, she told me herself. Rick and I are enough different, I'll know if it is mine, and if it is, things are going to change. He's not going to claim what is rightfully mine. Lori can pull that shit and back away from me like I'm some damn plague or somethin', but Rick isn't going to take everything from me."

Carol didn't know what to say. He was too close. She had the strange thought that if he was drunk she'd be able to smell alcohol on his breath. But he wasn't, was he. He was right on the edge there of a breakdown, of flipping out and maybe going through with his threat on Rick. She had no idea who to talk to about this, and she didn't feel like she'd be able to talk Shane down on her own. Gratefully at that moment she spotted a walker, and pointed it out to Shane. He got out of the truck and killed it quickly, scanning the surroundings for more.

"Looks like a solitary," he said as he climbed back in the truck. He didn't continue the conversation but eased the truck into the drive and followed the road to the fishing camp. As they pulled into the main camp, he turned to her. "Hey don't mention what I said back there to anyone. I just needed to get it off my chest is all. Things are pretty weird still between me and Rick, and I don't even know what the hell to think about Lori. You'd think I'd forced her or somethin'. It was she that came to me, Carol - _she_ came to _me_." Shane put a strong emphasis on that last bit. The worst thing Shane could feel right now was wronged. It put them all in danger. If a guy like that flips out, really flips out, nobody is safe.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N:** I'm uploading this chapter a little early because I will be traveling on Sunday - I hope you are enjoying it_

___The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

She sat alone in her cabin, legs folded under her and hands in her lap. She liked it here at the fishing camp. There were metal frame beds and mattresses and small open cabin-like structures that sat up off the ground. Canvas windows and door could be rolled up or down for privacy, and she had all of hers down at the moment. It was cool and the light was low, she felt calm, and for a moment it didn't feel like the outside world existed.

She had pulled a sheet of paper from one of the journals and folded it into a crane. When Sophia was little she had filled her room with them, suspended from slender threads and secured to the ceiling. At bedtime they would lie together in Sophia's bed and make up stories of the cranes, give them names, join them on adventures. What Sophia hadn't known was that folding the intricate pieces of paper had been one of her few stress releases. If Ed was being an ass or she felt like some area of her life was out of control, she would find a piece of paper and start folding. At first her cranes were awkward, but over time she'd folded so many that they were miniature works of art. Once she'd even made one from a gum wrapper. She smiled at that. It smelled like peppermint and Sophia had adored it because it was tiny.

It was such an easy way for her to still her mind and reconnect her to her daughter. She wondered why she hadn't tried it before now. Perhaps when you spend all of your time running and fighting you forget it is the simple things that can bring you the most joy. She laid back on her bed and placed the completed crane on her knee. Her eyes were growing heavy. She closed them and settled her head into the pillow, just a small nap and she would join the others around the campfire. Maggie was taking care of dinner tonight so she had a little free time.

Suddenly she was with her again, the twilight fading, shadows dancing on the wall, hundreds of cranes flying above them, floating on their fine threads. Everything smelled sweet and fresh - the clean sheets and Sophia fresh from the bath, her damp hair splayed on the pillow touching her cheek as she lay next to her there. Ed wasn't home yet, and wouldn't be for another hour. This was her time with Sophia. They talked of her dreams, of a unicorn named Iris and a princess named Sofie. They talked until Sophia's breathing changed and her words faded with the light. She laid there with her, listening to her breathe in and out. It was calm. It was peace. She would have to face the Ed soon, but this time grounded her, brought her back to joy.

She felt something on her hand and she startled awake. The paper crane had fallen off her knee and onto her hand. Her darling baby. All she had was the memories now, and sometimes the dreams; but the dreams, they could quickly turn to nightmares, and so she preferred the memories instead. She could live in them for awhile, and be, if only for a short time, happy again.

She sat up and placed the crane on the ledge above the bed. She would look for colored papers next time they found a store. She would make cranes and leave them behind as love notes to Sophia wherever she went. She would honor her dearest heart with these little paper memorials.

The sun had almost disappeared by the time she exited the cabin. She was tired, but she felt considerably better. She joined the group around the campfire after grabbing a plate that Maggie offered. Daryl was back and sitting hunched over his plate, staring into the fire. Shane was nowhere in sight. She wondered if Daryl had been successful on his hunt, but he seemed too consumed in thought to bother. She ate quietly for awhile before Beth approached her. "Thank you, Carol. You brought back such nice things." Carol smiled at her. The firelight glinted off of the lip gloss she was wearing. As silly as it seemed, it was those little things that made them feel normal sometimes. Like things hadn't changed in the world. Truth is, a girl Beth's age should be thinking about lip gloss and not whether she would make it through the night.

Carol ran her finger over her upper lip. It was very dry, in part from the elements, in part from not enough water. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the tin of cocoa butter balm with Madagascar vanilla that she had deposited there earlier in the day. It felt soothing against her rough lips. As she pressed her lips together, she noticed Daryl staring at her. His eyes instantly dropped, but the slight blush told her that he'd been watching her for a bit.

She took her plate to the makeshift kitchen and came back to sit next to him at the fire. He didn't look up when she sat down. "Any luck?"

"Naw. I saw a deer, but a snake spooked it. Found a few squirrels though. I'll try tomorrow - where there's one there's usually more." He tossed a small stick he had been fiddling with into the fire and made to stand. He rocked on his heels and sat back down, turning to her and leaning in. "Watch him. I don't know what he tells you when you're alone, but I don't trust him. Sometimes the things he says and the things he does don't connect. I know you he talks to you sometimes. I see him. But don't feel like you owe him nothin'. If it had been up to him, we'd have moved on the same day Sophia went missin', and you know that."

Carol looked him directly in the eyes. "Daryl, do you know what happened with him and Rick?"

Daryl looked away and back to the fire. "Yeah, but that's for some other time. Looks like duty calls." Daryl stood and walked away from the fire to his own cabin. Carol turned and saw Shane standing there, arms outstretched.

"Would ya mind mending these for me Carol? They are my best pair of pants and I snagged them good earlier." As he spoke to her, he watched Daryl's retreat.

Carol reached up and took the pants from him. "Sure, I'll have them done shortly." She made to stand and he offered his hand, then followed her as she headed back to her cabin. She stopped short and turned to him. "I'm just going to get my sewing kit, no need to come with, I need to do it by the firelight anyway."

He looked to her cabin, then to Daryl's, then back at her. Was it jealousy? She could hardly imagine that. "I'll stand guard here while you get what you need, never know when a walker might come out of those woods and surprise you." He was right, kind of, but she didn't feel threatened. The cabins were all pretty close to one another, and they had set traps in the woods behind them. Plus, she had seen T-Dog pass by just a moment ago on patrol. She didn't need Shane looking out for her.

She retrieved the sewing kit from her cabin and looked at the paper crane. She'd pulled up the canvas windows to let the night air in, and the white paper half-glowed in the moonlight. She placed it on her pillow and joined Shane. Despite her dismissing him he had stayed, waiting for her.

They walked side by side back to the campfire, silently, but Shane stayed close to her, his shoulder nearly brushing hers. It made her both uncomfortable and slightly elated. So odd to have attention again after so long. Her husband had given her attention like that, 'sweet-on' attention she called it, when they were first dating, but time blurs all of those things, and by the time they were about two years into their relationship, he had begun to reveal his true self. But by then it was too late. They were married and Sophia was on the way. If she had known how he really was, she wouldn't have married him, or at least that is what she told herself. But honestly the signs were there all along, and if she hadn't been running from her own personal demons, she might have seen them.

The great irony was that the things she was running from were very small in comparison. She felt like she wasn't listened to at home, and Ed would sit and listen to her for hours. She felt like she never got to do fun things, and she got to do things with Ed that she'd never tried before. Little things that blinded her. Little things that romanced her. And eventually she had given up, and given in, and once he had that, he changed. Her home life wasn't awful looking back, just very limited. She took care of parents until her early 30s, and she wasn't sure that she'd ever find love. Maybe she settled too soon. Maybe she was looking for a reason to run.

She sat close to the fire so that she would have adequate light. Shane took a seat opposite her and would look up periodically and make eye contact. But she realized too he was looking beyond her, to the cabins, and more specifically to Daryl's cabin. Perhaps he was afraid that Daryl was trying to undermine him with her. And as true as that may have been, she didn't want to give him any indication that it was.

"So how did this happen?" She asked him, holding up the pants with the L-shaped tear in the upper thigh.

"Damned barbed wire," he replied.

"From the shed?"

"Yeah."

Carol narrowed her eyes, and tried to look into his. She was sure he was lying. She didn't remember seeing barbed wire in the tool shed. But there was a fence line, some 100 yards or so from the shed that was barbed wire. Had he crawled through it? And for what purpose? What could have been beyond it that would have warranted his crossing a fence. "I'll do my best," she offered.

"I'm sure it will be great, Carol," Shane fixed his gaze on her and stared. For several minutes every time she looked up he was staring. Eventually he broke the silence while she was focused on her task. "Maybe tomorrow you can come fishing with me. Ever done that before?"

"Sure, a time or two. Might need a refresher on gutting, but I know the basic mechanics."

"Good. I'd like to go at first light if you are up for it."

"Yeah, I can do that. I was going to head to bed after this any way."

Shane nodded in appreciation when she handed back his pants. "Thanks so much Carol, you're a lifesaver, these are my favorite." Shane stood and started to head to his own cabin. He stopped as if remember something. "Good thinking about that shed today, lots of useful things there. Sorry I was hard on you earlier, you just gave me a scare."

"Good night," she managed to smile and give him a slight nod.

"'Nite, Carol," he said as he moved away from the firelight.

Carol packed the sewing items back into their case and latched the box. There was a hand on her shoulder, and she saw in the half-light an outstretched bottle.

"Thought that asshole would never leave. Ya want some? I swear, these days it doesn't take much to get me pissed, been off the stuff too long I guess, this is only my third." The bottle remained dangled before her, swaying back and forth.

"I'm good, why don't you sit before you fall?"

"Good...yeah...that's a plan. So'd he sweet talk you? Tell you his goddamn secrets? I know 'em. His secrets. Fuck yeah. He's one bold liar, him. I swear ta god Carol if he..."

"Daryl, you're drunk."

"Tell me something I don't know sweetheart."

"I'm not your sweetheart." Carol didn't know why it stung, but it did. She stood and walked away to her cabin, not looking back. Maybe it was his casual use of the endearing term. He never called her anything like that in sober daylight. Was he revealing a bit of his true heart? Or was it just the alcohol? As she walked back to her cabin, she caught the heavy scent of tea olives, which reminded her very much of apricots, on the night air. She would sleep with the canvas windows up tonight and let the smell engulf her. Sophia's favorite shampoo smelled like apricots, and this would be nice to fall asleep to. When she reached her cabin, she cut a piece of the thread from her sewing kit and strung the crane and hung it from the rafters above her head. She would fall asleep tonight to the scent of Sophia's freshly washed hair, staring up at the paper crane, and it would feel like her baby girl was there with her.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N:** this chapter is rather long - where I originally wanted to break it was under 1k, which felt too short, so the next natural break left this at over 3k - thank you all for reading and the reviews - I know Shane isn't the golden child of the fandom, but he holds a special place in my heart, more so now as I write him_

___The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

It was pitch dark and there was a hand over her mouth. Her eyes were wide open, but she couldn't see. The moon must have slipped behind a heavy cloud bank. There was a voice in her ear, shushing her. She sat up, and the person holding her slipped behind her and sat on the bed, she felt the free hand come to rest behind her, near her hip, barely brushing it. She heard the snap of twigs in the eerie silence. She was pretty sure it was Daryl from the faint smell of hops, and the rough calloused palm in contact with her lips.

She started to shake. She was sure the location of the nearest herd had been miscalculated and they were being set upon by a massive hoard. Their deaths were eminent, and she would die here, defenseless. But she listened closer. It sounded like only one of something was out there - and walkers didn't sound that cautious. What she heard were careful steps, trying not to be heard but snapping the occasional twig.

The light changed, a cloud must have moved, and she could see very faintly now, Daryl next to her in the dark. He was staring at her, and she met his gaze, locked it even. She could feel the pressure of his arm curled around her back, and she could feel his warm breath very close to her neck. He leaned closer and whispered, "Shane's up ta somethin'."

Not this again. She sighed and pulled Daryl's hand from her mouth. She did not speak, but merely glared at him. A look that said 'don't pull me into your drunken fantasies' but he didn't look drunk or act it really. "I don't know what proof you think you have," she whispered.

"Plenty," he stated matter-of-factly. "He sat outside your cabin for a coupla hours, and then went off into the woods with somethin' in his hand, when he came back he didn't have it no more."

"That doesn't explain why you're here," she said shortly. Shorter than she had intended, but she was tired, and being startled awake with a hand over her mouth did nothing to calm her.

"I didn't want him to see me following him, so I slipped in here. Geez woman, you'd think..." He stopped and put a finger to his lips. Outside the cabin it had gotten very still, as if someone was waiting, watching. All of nature seemed to hold its breath at the same time. The cabin windows were up high enough that one could not see directly in at bed level without being right at the window. She felt Daryl duck further down a bit as if sensing he might be visible. She leaned back into him slightly on reflex. For a moment, his left hand came up and settled on the middle of her upper arm, not quite caressing, but not hovering either. Pressed back against him, she felt him inhale deeply. The skin on the back of her neck prickled. She felt a slight inner lurch of desire, and she rolled that shoulder back into his, an affectionate nuzzle without being too bold. She felt his arm stiffen, freezing into place.

They were both silent as the outside world around them, daring not to speak if Shane or someone else was right outside. He moved the hand from her arm down to her upper thigh, just below the hip and and rested it there, fingers splayed slightly but pressing against her.

He raised his right hand to touch her hair, and she felt him lean forward and inhale. He was smelling her hair. She shivered as his hand came to rest on her shoulder, one finger tracing the line of her neck. He leaned further forward and she could feel his chest press into her back, as she heard him breathe in again and then hold his breath, savoring. His finger on her neck paused, then made small circles as if memorizing the patterns of her flesh. His hand came to rest on her shoulder, then she felt him place his chin there, nuzzling, testing her flesh as if seeking a place. The hand on her thigh moved higher up her hip, and she felt his lips brush briefly on her shoulder.

He didn't say a word, nor did she. She would accept this quiet affection and then they would move on. They would go about their days in silence, never acknowledging this moment or the ones that built up to it. Nor would they, she imagined, acknowledge the ones that would follow.

It was quiet outside, and the crickets had resumed. Daryl leaned in just a bit further before finally pulling away and standing. "It's all good. Thanks for letting me...hide out here. I don't know what Shane is up to, but I don't want to get on his bad side. Done seen where that leads." Carol was sure he meant Randall, but he didn't elaborate.

Daryl started for the door, but turned suddenly and stood before her. "Hey, I'm sorry about earlier, at the fire. I'm not quite sure what I did, but I know you were mad at me. For that I'm sorry."

Carol smiled up at him. "You're lucky, because even I can't remember why I was mad at you."

That earned her a smile. "Jeezus woman, are ya all the same?"

"No," she winked at him, "we're not."

Daryl waved his hand in mock defeat as he left the cabin. She heard his boots crunch gravel to his own cabin, then pause for a minute as if looking around. When she heard them climb the wood steps, she relaxed back onto the bed and closed her eyes.

* * *

'_We all meet with tenderness the things we love. We meet them with honesty and openness and valor. We meet them in the tide of morning light.'_

She opened her eyes. The sky was just starting to lighten, even though it was a good half hour still before the sun would begin to rise. She'd been composing little bits of poetry in her head for the last hour. She'd had a dream about Sophia, and although it wasn't a nightmare, she had startled awake with an uncomfortable feeling. That Sophia was not her Sophia; she was in her twenties and they were having an argument. It wasn't really the sort of dream she wanted to return to, so she laid awake in bed, puzzling through words and forming them to fit into pretty little lines. They weren't something she would write down, or even remember by the end of the day, but it kept her mind occupied, and helped her to see the beauty in the moment.

Shane had asked the night before if she would come fishing with him, and in an unguarded moment she had promised. It would be a chance to improve her survival skills, and an opportunity to gauge his state of mind. She had reflected this morning on some of what Shane had said last night about the baby. She wanted to know where he was at with it this morning, because if things changed between Shane and Rick, she recalled a once popular phrase that always made her chuckle, 'shit could get real, real quick'. She feared for the stability of their group if either Shane left or if one were to kill the other.

She wasn't going to let the heavy thoughts ruin her day. She rose and dressed and grabbed the small pack by her bed and a light jacket. Autumn had arrived, and the mornings were already cooler. In a few hours she could probably tie it around her waist. When she exited her cabin, she saw Shane already sitting on the steps to his, flicking one of the fishing poles and staring off into the nearby woods.

He heard her approach and turned to look at her. His smile was genuine and welcoming, and it softened his features somewhat. "Thought you wouldn't come." He was wearing a denim shirt with the sleeves rolled high onto his biceps, and two buttons opened down the front. She could see the curve and outline of his chest and all of a sudden she felt warm in the cool morning.

"I guess I couldn't resist the company." The minute she said it, she regretted it. It was the shirt, the shirt had distracted her, and she had inadvertently verbalized the thing that was in her head. Well, that was regrettable, how was she going to save that one? Shane visibly smirked and she was quick to recover. "I meant resist the chance to learn some skills in your company." She blushed, it didn't work. He laughed in response.

"It's okay Carol. Kinda early in the morning to be forming thoughts." He reached down on his left side and retrieved an enameled cup, handing it up to her. "Here, I made some coffee this morning, might help clear your head a bit."

She took the cup from him nodding in thanks and sat next to him on the cabin steps. They were wide enough so that there was still some space between them. "I guess I don't know much about fishing, I think I went a few times when I was little, more for fun than anything. I remember using some bright pink eggs or something, is that what we use?"

Shane chuckled softly, "No, that's more bait for 'fun' fishing so kids don't freak out. We're gonna use worms, and I have a pretty good idea where we can find some." He pointed toward the meadow that opened in a section of the trees and ran along the stream for a short distance. She could see a few cows at the far edge. He stood, placed his cup on the step, and stretched out his hand to help her up. She set her own cup to the side and accepted his hand. It was warm and firm, and when she laid her hand in his, he curled his fingers lightly over hers. When pulled her up with gentle tug, her foot caught a rock and she fell against him. "Easy there." He was smiling down at her, and the warmth returned, this time to her cheeks.

Shane grabbed both poles and handed her the tackle box. "Mind carrying this?" She took it from him and held it in front of her with both hands. They walked side by side out of the camp, through the trees and into the meadow. She watched Shane as he kept his eyes to the ground, scanning back and forth. Before she could ask what he was doing, he stopped and held up a hand. Then pointed down to a drying cow pattie. "We've hit gold."

He laid the poles on the ground and spread a blue handkerchief in his hand. He hooked the toe of his right boot underneath the brown disc and kicked slightly, turning it over on its back. There were at some thirty worms there squirming and wiggling. Shane bent down, pulled them free and placed them in the cloth. He then kicked at the moist dirt, grabbed a handful and put it in with the worms. "This should keep them nicely." She watched him in amazement and he completed his task and picked up the poles, turning to head toward the stream. She was surprised by the surety of his skill and quickness with which he found the worms.

She imagined him making all decisions this way. Watching, finding, acting. He showed little hesitation in everything. She found it oddly comforting. She felt like all she ever did was hesitate. And hesitation was born of fear. She would admit freely that she was afraid. She longed for the even a tenth of the confidence that Shane had. Maybe he could teach her more than just fishing, maybe he could teach her strength of will.

They found a spot along the stream and Shane showed her how to weight the line, bait the hook, and cast into the water. It all felt very foreign to her, but after a few tries she grew more comfortable, and was able to relax a bit. She found a forked stick and placed her rod in it so she could lean back on the bank. She propped herself up on her elbows and watched Shane.

He sat crouched on his haunches, absently playing with random stick and clods of dirt. Once the lines were in the water, all they could really do was wait. He looked up and saw Carol looking at him. "So tell me, why'd you come this morning?"

She looked at him with surprise. "Because you asked me?" She phrased it more as a question because she was confused. He had asked her, right?

"Well, yeah, but you didn't have to accept. Fishing isn't for everyone. I like it for the quiet. It gives me a time and space to think."

She watched as his eyes dropped again to the task before, breaking the little clods of dirt with a pointed stick. Shane had the rare ability to be both straightforward and confusing. He had been bold enough to ask her out here this morning, but it was likely he would leave her hanging, and wondering why he had. The bending of the tip of her rod caught her eye, and she motioned to Shane. He reacted quickly and reeled in the fish, taking care to explain each action as he did it.

Shane had many good intentions. But his actions were sometimes misguided, especially if he was passionate. He was fiercely protective of both Lori and Carl, and the circumstances that had woven themselves around his life made him bitter and unreachable. It was plainly etched in his every action that he resented that his role as provider and protector had been yanked away from him. In that very moment that Rick had shown up at the camp outside of Atlanta, his life changed forever.

She wondered if it would be help him to talk about it, but she had no idea how to start that conversation. Perhaps, if he were in a situation where he could let his guard down, but the truth was, his guard was never down - not now, and possibly, for his entire life, it never was. She imagined a relationship with such a man would be very difficult indeed.

He watched her thoughtfully as she rebaited her hook and cast the line back into the water. After a few minutes he broke the silence. "You know that time, back at the quarry?" She knew instantly the time he was talking about. When he had taken his anger out on Ed. She'd never forget because Ed was not very kind to her after that, but it was also the last time he ever beat her.

She leveled her gaze at him, and tried to look him in the eyes, but she quickly turned them downward again. "Yeah..."

"I feel like I need explain myself. It wasn't right what Ed did, but I took it a little far. And I'm sorry if I scared you then." He watched her, studying her face, trying to engage her eyes before he went on. She looked up at him briefly, but then quickly looked away. Talking about abuse was still uncomfortable for her, even though it no longer seemed relevant. She wondered if he understood that. Surely he dealt with that sort of thing every day when he was a deputy. He continued. "I was angry that day, and I took out that anger on Ed." She noticed he was being very deliberate, careful not to call Ed her husband. Was it a sign of respect? She wasn't sure. "Lori, see, she basically told me to fuck off right before Ed started giving you all trouble that day. When he struck you and went after Andrea, all I saw was red."

Honesty. Shane was being honest, and his apology seemed genuine. The suspicion she felt at this display brought her great guilt. What if he really was trying to make amends? What if since the very center of his life had crumbled, he was trying to rebuild something new? And then it struck her. What if he was trying to rebuild something new with her?

It was not a far reach. Their group was small. Andrea would have been a natural choice for him, but she was no longer with them. Maggie was with Glenn. Beth would be respectfully considered too young, at least for now. Since a life with Lori was out of the question, he would naturally seek comfort in someone else. By order of elimination, it was down to just her.

Then she pushed it all from her mind. He was being nice, that was all. He was trying to redeem the past so he could move forward, and apologizing was part of that. She would accept it and help him to move past the pain he still felt over the loss of Lori and Carl. It was not a simple matter for this man. He loved Lori very much. She had seen it in those early days at the camp they shared just outside of Atlanta. The devotion and love that she saw in his eyes then was not that of a man new to these feelings. She suspected that they perhaps had started earlier, before the fevers hit. When Shane was just Lori's husband's friend and coworker. What she saw had been built over time, though that may not have been true in Lori's case. She believed that Shane had loved her long before he became her sole protector.

They had settled into silence, and she knew she sensed it was her responsibility to break it. "I know I didn't seem appreciative at the time, but I was. Ed was not kind or gentle, and he deserved it going after Andrea."

"Not for hitting you?"

"Can we not?"

He gave and nod and agreement and grew silent, he scratched at the dirt for a moment and then stood and touched her shoulder, "I'll be right back, gotta see a man about a horse."

She took the opportunity to stretch back and tilt her neck back to feel the sun on her face. When he returned, he was all smiles. "Fishing is tough work, isn't it?"

She smiled up him. "I think this is my new favorite thing."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really? Now, you do realize it is a little more than just watching a line and chatting with a handsome guy, right?"

She giggled, for the most part it was a good morning.


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N:** thank you for reading and for those who have taken time to review - I am grateful for all of you - I enjoy writing this story, because I get to see the characters in a different way - it also makes this summer hiatus a little easier to take  
_

_**PLEASE NOTE!** Last week there was an issue with and a notification of the update for chpt 5 didn't go out as far as I know - so make sure you have read chpt 5 before reading this chapter_

___The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

She felt a bit better after spending the morning with Shane. Their conversation had eased her somewhat, and she'd also grown more comfortable around him. Maybe he wasn't so difficult to understand. Maybe things were just complicated, and needed a little patience.

The sun rose higher overhead, the worms were gone, and the stringer was full. She knew before he broached it that they would be heading back. He stood first and offered his hand. This time, when his fingers closed over hers, he held it for a moment after she had risen. With his thumb he stroked the back of her hand before slowly releasing it. He shifted his gaze from her hand to her eyes, and she found she couldn't look away. They were a deep brown, but almost black, the pupils were so large. He smiled at her, releasing her hand, and turned his attention to gather the stringer of fish and the poles. She in turned grabbed her pack and the tackle box.

They walked back toward the camp slowly and quietly, picking their way through the overgrown trail. Shane lead, and she followed close behind. Time seemed to slow to a crawl. She found herself staring at Shane's back. The denim was tight enough she could see the muscles underneath. She imagined that when the world changed, the man didn't change very much.

When he stopped suddenly, she ran into him with the tackle box that she carried in front of her. She retreated a few steps and waited. His head turned from side to side, assessing if there was a threat. As she watched the back of his head, she had the thought she was glad his hair had started to grow back. She wasn't sure why he'd shaved it all off in the first place. Maybe because just because he'd had access to a shaver at the Greenes, but she thought it had made him appear less stable.

"Hey, Carol," he said softly, "mind if I ask you somethin' kind of personal?"

"I suppose not, as long as I don't have to answer."

He turned to face her. "Fair enough." He paused a moment, as if not knowing how to proceed. When he began, his voice had softened and he tilted his head slightly to one side. "Why did you stay?" She felt herself stiffen. Most people were polite enough to avoid this question entirely. Immediately he saw she had misunderstood, and he rephrased his question.

"The night the farm fell, and we regrouped by the stone wall. That night I heard you talking to Daryl. It sounded to me like you wanted to break off from the group, that you didn't trust Rick. So why did you stay?"

She relaxed a bit, but only slightly, she still felt guarded, and unsure. She chose her words carefully. "I figured I had a better chance staying with a group. And I don't know that I could have convinced anyone to leave with me."

"Not even Daryl?"

She felt an inner darkness. "No, I don't think Daryl would have left with me, not that night." She didn't feel like sharing that the last two months, things had changed a bit, just a little bit, and she might be able to convince him to leave, but right now, there really was no reason. They were functioning better as a group, and with wintering approaching, and Lori's pregnancy, sticking together seemed like the best plan.

"And why have you stayed? You said yourself you'd thought about leaving. What is keeping you here?"

"Honestly Carol, I don't rightly know." He raised his eyebrow and gave her a half-way smile before turning to set back off along the path.

Damned if he wasn't playing with her, she didn't know what to think, or say. She wished she could talk to someone about it, but no one back at the camp would understand. She wanted to talk to Lori, but she knew Lori wouldn't listen, and worse, Lori would warn her off. And she didn't want Lori turning even more against Shane. Life would get more complicated once winter came, and she wanted their uneasy peace to grow, not fray.

Maybe she needed more information to help her decide if it was hapless flirting or a genuine come on. She remembered the dart board she'd brought back from their last supply run.

The camp was now within site, and the trail widened, she came up to walk with him side by side. "I want to thank you for taking me fishing this morning, I learned a lot that will be useful in the future. And I enjoyed myself too."

"It was a good morning, Carol, we ought to do that more often, there are other skills you could use a bit of practice on before it gets too cold. A girl like you needs to be able to protect herself." She looked over at him when he called her a girl and laughed. He was looking right at her, and his eyes were shining. She told herself he was only doing what he's always done. Flirting with women and flattering them was a sure way to boost his own confidence. She was sure he never wanted for a warm bed before the fever came.

"How about tomorrow you meet me in the clearing near the field kitchen? I picked up that dart board, and I'd like to use it to practice my aim. Maybe you could show me a thing or two."

"Bet I could." His voice seemed deeper, and she noticed him scan her up and down. She blushed a bit at that. "How about tomorrow midday? The light will be good, but the area is also shaded, so it won't be too hot. Should I bring anything?"

"Just you," she smiled, trying to keep her calm, and realizing the moment she said it that it sounded leading.

When they reached the edge of camp, Shane stopped and took the tackle box from her hands. He handed her the stringer of fish and said, "I'm guessing you have a use for these." He transferred both rods to the hand with the tackle box and with his left hand reached over to touch her upper arm. "I really did have a good time with you this morning," he waited for her to bring her eyes to meet his, and then he let her go and headed off in the direction of his cabin.

She approached the cooking area they had setup in their main camp. The field kitchen was a ways off to the right of the camp and was not practical for the group as it was too far from the cabins. It made more sense to keep it close by, easier to protect and prepare meals. Glenn had found a long folding table in the main lodge and brought it to make meal prep easier. She laid the stringer of fish on the edge of the table and went to her cabin to change. The day had proved to be a warm one, and she felt overdressed.

"Oh Carol!" Beth shouted just as she was climbing the steps to her cabin. She turned to see Beth standing at the table beaming. "Did you really catch this many? Do you mind if I start?" She raised her hand to wave her approval and ducked into the cool shade of her cabin. With the canvas down, her cabin had stayed comfortable.

She changed into a tank top and sat on the edge of her bed. Beth seemed excited to start dinner. Maybe she could take a little time to herself. It seemed like between chores and runs and trying to keep the peace, alone time was in short supply. She kicked off her boots, pulled off her socks, and flexed her toes on the wooden floor. It felt so good to free them. In her old life she spent a great deal of her time barefoot, but it was no longer practical. She felt a kink in her left foot and raised it to rest on her knee so she could massage the arch. She heard a soft knock on the door frame. Of course, the quiet was too good to last.

"Yes?" She took a deep breath and readied herself, it could be any of them, but she was sure whoever it was, something was required of her.

A hand pulled aside the canvas door, and Daryl ducked in pulling his crossbow behind him. He leaned it against the inner cabin wall and stood straight. "Hey." He looked at her then stared down at his feet. One hand he jammed into his pocket and the other he brought up to chew on the thumb pad.

"Hey." She smiled at him though he didn't see. He looked so much younger when he chewed on his thumb.

This was their weird thing. It started about a week after they left the farm. It didn't happen at regular intervals. And it really had no rhyme or reason. In quiet times he would seek her out and obviously want to be in her company. It was usually in the middle of the day, and she sensed he felt more uncomfortable in the light. At night they had more natural interactions. In shadow and firelight he felt more at ease. But in the daylight this happened. And she did her best to make him feel comfortable, but he usually would skitter away after awhile.

She scooted over to the far edge of the bed so he had plenty of room at the foot. "How was your morning?" She offered as a way of making him feel more comfortable.

"A'right. Went with Glenn to scout that closest herd. They're further away, so we're good for a bit still. And you?"

"Good! I caught fish today." He looked up at her and actually cracked a smile. Perhaps more at her pleased tone than the actual accomplishment.

"Is that so? If I'm not careful, ya'll won't be needing me any more. Maybe they'll give me kitchen duty." She laughed aloud at that, the thought of Daryl Dixon in the kitchen a funny one, especially when she imagined him with an apron.

He was still smiling, but he was looking down at his hands. "So do you have any other hidden skills you are keeping from us?"

"No. Before this morning I couldn't even bait a hook. I wouldn't have figured it out without Shane." She spoke without thinking and regretted it.

His smile faded quickly, and she could see the muscles in his jaw clench. "Is that so?" This time his tone was almost hostile. Daryl stood quickly and was out the door before she could say another word to him. She should have chosen her words more carefully, especially after last night. Until he knew what Shane was doing in those woods, he was going to distrust him.

She pulled her legs up and stretched them out on the bed. No need to waste this precious moment. She let her head drop first to the left, and then to the right. That was when she saw it. Daryl had left his crossbow behind.

She took a moment to enjoy the feel of the rough wood against her feet. Since his cabin was only next door, she decided to remain barefoot, a few stones and pebbles might feel like a massage. She picked up the crossbow and was instantly surprised by the weight of it. He carried it with such ease that she'd always assumed it was light. When she excited her cabin, the circle was empty except for Beth who was busy preparing the fish for dinner. She gave a wave and headed to Daryl's cabin. The canvas door was rolled up, and she was able to see inside. He was not on his bed. Her intention was to drop it inside the door and sneak back to her own cabin before someone else required something of her.

She climbed the steps and entered the cabin, gently leaning the crossbow against the inner wall. She had hoped to find him there, and make some apology, or at least explain why she'd gone fishing in the first place. The last thing that she wanted to lose was his trust. She thought about leaving a note and glanced briefly at his gear. "You won't find paper there."

She startled and turned to see Daryl sitting in the front corner of the cabin, knees crossed and palms pressed into his forehead. He did not look up at her. She knew she'd upset him, and she wanted to make things right. She slid down the wall to sit next to him, with a comfortable distance between them. "I didn't see the harm in it."

"Harm can surprise ya."

"I wasn't alone, and I was careful."

"How can I protect you if I don't know where you are?" His voice faltered.

"You aren't responsible for me."

The silence between them suspended and neither spoke for several minutes.

He removed his hands from his forehead and made to stand. He bent and touched her shoulder with his right hand. "I am." He exited the cabin grabbing his crossbow on his way out. He didn't look back and didn't see the tear that had fallen down her cheek. Things just got a little more complicated.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N:** hi again! thank you for taking the time to read, and as always, thank you to those who have left reviews - this story is starting to take a shape of its own  
_

___The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

Their shared meal took on a somber tone. Memories of the fish fry at the quarry darkened everyone's mood, even the Greenes felt it. All of the men took up positions on the perimeter of the camp after the early meal without so much as council. It left the women alone by the fire, well guarded and with time on their hands.

Maggie remembered the wine that had been brought back from the last run. She brought it to the fire circle along with water for Lori. It started as an innocent way to relax a little and unwind. But by the end of the night she would have an insight that would change the way she looked at things from then on.

Beth even joined them. Maggie promised to watch out for her and to stand up to their father if he gave them any grief. Carl had joined Rick on watch, so it truly was just the girls.

She had drank very little the last ten years or so. Ed had a problem with his own drinking, and she learned rather early that she could better control him and his reactions if she stayed sober. She could also protect Sophia better. It was hard to forget and even accept that she no longer had these obligations. When Maggie had offered her one of the cut glass tumblers from the lodge's bar, she held it for a while, feeling the weight in her hand.

She felt grounded, but she also felt sad, and the desire to chase away that latter feeling prompted the first sip. It was good wine, not the soda pop kind Ed would bring home on a chance anniversary when he was feeling loving. No, this had body and depth and it brought a numbing with it as it entered her system. There was no reason to regret the past. She wanted to live in this moment. But more importantly she wanted to feel life again, to actually live.

Initially their conversation was light. Celebrity crushes, first kisses, teasing 'have you evers'. By the time they opened the second bottle, the conversation had turned bolder. She watched Lori, who seemed to be enjoying it, even if she was the designated driver of sorts. She must have been sailing on her pregnancy hormones or just the general relaxed atmosphere, because she was getting just as silly as they were.

Things took a bit more serious tone when Maggie asked, "Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend?" Lori caught Carol's eyes across the fire and the lines on her forehead deepened. Carol knew about Shane. But Maggie and Beth didn't.

Beth spoke up first, pledging with exaggerated certainty that Jimmy had been the only one for her. Maggie looked to Carol. She laughed and went into an elaborate story about a high school love triangle she had nurtured and felt great guilt over. She embellished a bit, partly because of the wine, but mostly to move the conversation along and into more comfortable topics.

Eventually, and with another bottle, the conversation turned again and sometimes the two sisters talked about cultural references, people and places she was not familiar with, so she would just listen. Occasionally, one of the men would wander through to check on them or retrieve something from the cabins. Hershel stopped by on his way to bed. He kissed the tops of both his daughters' heads and gently chided Maggie to 'take care of your sister.'

Rick stopped by twice. Once to check on Lori and once after carrying Carl to bed. That time he sat by Lori for a moment and held her hand, whispered to her, then kissed her cheek and wandered back to watch. When he left, a painful look came over Lori and Carol moved closer to sit by her.

Maggie and Beth quite naturally fell into singing by the fourth bottle. It was good to hear music again. They chose familiar folk songs and Carol curled into herself as she sat by Lori. This feeling was good, even if it was only for this short while. As the sisters sang, Lori spoke softly under her breath to Carol.

"He tries too hard." Carol knew she was referring to Rick. "Just some days, most days, I don't feel it. I can't feel it, you know, even when I try. I could blame it on the pregnancy, but truthfully, my emotions are blown. I mean, I thought he was dead. I grieved him. You just don't come back from that."

Carol nodded. Even though it hadn't happened to her, she knew exactly what Lori meant. You don't just go through that moving on process and go back to the way things were. The mind has already moved on and things are different. "Different for you, but not for him," she offered, and Lori nodded in agreement.

"And then there's Shane. Same deal kinda, here Rick came back and while I tried to go back for Rick I moved on from Shane, but he didn't."

"So here you are, standing between two men who are both in the same place they were, nothing has changed for them, but everything is different for you. You can't go back to either, but neither wants to let you go." Carol sighed.

After she'd said it, they both just stared at each other, eyes wide in the recognition. Carol grabbed Lori's hand and squeezed it tight. "Oh my god, what are you going to do?"

"There's nothing I can do. But honestly Carol, I don't want to be near either of them. I'm done. But I can't run."

At that, Carol moved closer and put her arm around Lori and held her close. She could feel Lori's chest start to hitch. She knew this trapped feeling. She'd lived it. Knowing a part of your life has played out but not being able to free yourself of the anchors holding you fast to the spot.

She held Lori like that for a long time. They didn't say anything and the girls just continued to sing. She caught a Stevie Nicks song and an Ella Fitzgerald. She didn't drink while she held Lori, but she let her mind drift.

She thought about Shane for a while and his mixed signals and she framed them in the context of his relationship with Lori. He was not done and he wouldn't be. The most he could be right now was an easy lay. And maybe after everything they'd been through these past few months, that was really what she needed.

She knew about rebound boys. It was what she and her friends called it in high school when you'd broken up with a serious boyfriend. You'd take on a short term one, just to prove you could do everything you'd done with the one before, and maybe a little more. It helped to reset your perspective and move on. And maybe it was just the thing that both she and Shane needed.

She thought of what could be possible with Daryl. She didn't want him to be her rebound boy. He had too much depth and was far too sensitive to use him in that way. At times he seemed attracted to her, but he was not overly bold sexually. And if she had a kink or two to work out of her system, Shane was just the guy and he would need little convincing. Honestly, she knew if she played her cards right, she could fuck him tonight in his cabin. But that was just not a hand she was willing to play yet.

She would have to be very care if she went that route though. She didn't want to hurt Daryl. She needed to get a better sense out of what he wanted from their relationship first. It didn't matter how much she liked Daryl or wanted to be with him, if it wasn't mutual, she wouldn't drag him along. Life was far more tenuous now. And she needed to make choices with that in mind.

Lori straightened and begged off for the night. There were tears now drying on her cheeks and Carol hugged her tight. It was the best way to let her know she was there and would be. She walked Lori to her cabin and on the way back out to the circle she grabbed the pink cashmere sweater she'd found at the house. It was a little chilly and she planned to stay out a while still. She could tell she still had a bottle or two on her horizon.

While she had taken Lori to her cabin, Maggie took the opportunity to guide a very tipsy Beth to theirs, and was on her way back at the same time as Carol. They smiled widely at each other and sat near enough to see each other and talk softly. They opened another bottle of wine and filled their tumblers to the top.

She didn't have the ease with Maggie that she shared with Lori, but they were slowly getting there. The thing she liked most about Maggie was that they could share a great deal with few words and silence between them was always comfortable.

She and Maggie moved closer together and leaned shoulder to shoulder. They spoke some and giggled more and the next hour was pretty much a blur. She remembered the fire dying low and neither of them having energy to refresh it. She remembered hearing two male voices coming into the center of camp. She remembered hugging Maggie excessively long and saying "No, you girl." back and forth a bunch of times. She remembered the sound of someone throwing up as she was led away and a voice very much like Glenn's saying Maggie's name in a mixture of surprise and disgust.

She remembered an arm wrapped around her shoulders to steady her. She remembered climbing wooden stairs. She remembered sitting down on her bunk and how it felt like it jarred her brain when she did. She remembered being helped out of her sweater, and then taking off her pants of her will and a hushed admonishment of 'don't'. She remembered her head hitting the pillow and being covered by blankets and the press of lips on her shoulder and then everything was blackness.


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N:**__ updating on Monday today - thank you for your patience - many thanks to my readers and reviewers - I do not have words to express how much it means to me that others are reading this story from my head  
_

_The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

Her first consciousness was the intense brightness. She kept her eyes clamped shut, but it didn't seem to help; the light was coming from everywhere. She became aware of the pain resting just above her eyes at the same moment she became aware of the cotton-feel in her mouth. She was slowly remembering, at least to a point. With her eyes closed she lay still and tried to focus. Drinking, with the girls, drinking, with Maggie. A strong arm escorting her. She tried to remember, but everything was so vague at that point. Her shoulders were bare and her toes could feel the covers. Someone had removed her sweater and shoes. But she could not remember the face. But she did remember the kiss.

She was sitting on the bed and someone was removing her shoes, her socks, her sweater. Her vision was so blurry at that point, and her memory was blinking even as the images came to her. He had eased her down to lay on her side, facing the cabin wall, tucking the blankets around her. And then lightly, gently, as if in a dream, he had pressed his lips to her bare shoulder and lingered. Long enough to burn into her memory, but short enough to show reverence. She smiled, lost in this memory, willing her body to rise and face the day. Water would do her some good, both internally and splashed on her face.

She sat up and clasped both hands behind her head and arched her back deeply letting free an audible growl and then sigh. She hated feeling this way, and hadn't in so very long that she'd forgotten just how bad it felt. All she wanted to do was hide underneath the covers, but she needed to get moving. She needed food and air and sunlight, cursed sunlight.

She changed into a fresh tank top, blue with silver flowers embroidered along the edge. It was one from the big house she'd visited with Shane and Daryl. She thought of both of them and was sure now it was one of them that had brought her back to her cabin last night. She pulled on fresh socks and her boots and exited her cabin to face the others.

The center of their camp was empty save for Lori, who smiled at her widely as she squinted her eyes against the sun. "Paying the devil this morning I see." Carol did her best to smile and ended up laughing lightly, which still hurt her head. "Here, I brewed it extra strong this morning, thought a few of you could use it."

Carol took the cup from Lori and sat on a bench near the table where she was preparing breakfast. Her stomach growled, but the thought of putting anything in there didn't appeal in the least.

"Rick told me something interesting this morning. Seems your boys had a bit of a pissing match last night over you." Lori hesitated, waiting for a reaction. She had a hard time focusing on what Lori had said.

"What do you mean?"

"They had some verbal show-off over you last night while they were on watch. Daryl asked Shane to switch positions with him and Shane asked Daryl if it was to keep a better eye on his girl. Rick said they never came to blows, but they circled each other a bit."

She set the coffee next to her and put her head in her hands and let out a slow 'ugh'. This was ridiculous. She was hardly someone to fight over, and it didn't seem much like Daryl. She eyed Lori suspiciously.

"I don't know what you might be thinking Carol, but I'd advise against it if it involves Shane. He does things to aggravate situations. He'll take advantage if you aren't careful. He might not care about your relationship with Daryl, but I do. And if you don't want to send him running, you'd be wise to not make Shane a reason. He's not happy, and he doesn't want anyone else to be either."

She stared at Lori with her eyes half-lidded. She knew she spoke part out of concern for her, but she ultimately questioned her motives. She saw Shane solely through the filter of their complication, and it cast a rather harsh light on him. It was maybe easier for her to transfer some of her personal guilt onto Shane. And she couldn't be sure just how much jealousy might have to do with it. But not the jealousy over Shane, just one of her own limited options.

She nodded her head in agreement because it was easier that way. If she defended Shane, Lori would just try harder. She took up the coffee cup again and took a long drink. She didn't need this, any of this.

She helped Lori with breakfast and did some laundry before heading back to her cabin. She'd remembered while hanging the clean items that she'd promised to meet Shane at the field kitchen for darts and improving her aim. After what Lori had said, she was not looking forward to it. She couldn't lose the image of Shane and Daryl circling each other like two teenagers, regardless of how true that may or may not have been.

She'd seen Daryl in the distance while doing the wash. He'd headed off into the woods with his crossbow, most likely for a day of hunting. Days like that he usually wasn't back until late afternoon. She sighed. That would make it easier not having to explain her time spent with Shane.

Despite how close she and Daryl seemed to be at times, they weren't each others in any spoken or vowed sense. Spending time with someone, even when it is in their personal space, does not wed you to them. And she thought everyone around here would do well to remember that.

When all of the laundry was hung to dry, she headed back to her cabin. She folded a couple of cranes and set them up on the ledge. They helped to center her. This moment was the one she was living. There was no joy in the past and no hope for the future. But the present, she could focus on that, and focus on living.

She ran her fingers through her hair and sat for a little while in silence on her bed. This was her home now, maybe not for long, but for now it was all she had. These people, they were all she had too. She had the opportunity to reinvent her life. There was no reason to relive the life that had left her.

The day was advancing, and she felt a little more grounded in it. She found the dart cabinet in the supplies and grabbed a hammer and some nails from the tool box and headed for the field kitchen. She hadn't seen Shane yet that morning. Not at breakfast, and not while she went about her morning chores.

The field kitchen was deserted. She set about installing the dart cabinet on the outer wall of the field kitchen structure. She didn't know if she had it regulation height, but it seemed good enough for practice.

She opened the cabinet and pulled the darts from their storage compartment. No reason not to start and see just how good she was. That was laughable though. Of her first round, none found their mark. Two missed the board completely and one bounced off the surface. She tried the other three with similar effect. She had a lot to learn.

She retrieved the six darts and made to try again. She threw the first which bounced and a second which missed the board. She had drawn back with the third when she felt and arm circle her waist and a hand on her arm. She was startled but relaxed a little. The hand guided her arm wordlessly. When she released the dart, it hit the board, not in a scorable section, but it did hit the board.

She jumped a little in her joy and the arm around her pulled her closer. Her back met hard chest and the hand that had guided her arm now clasped her fingers and wrapped its arm around her other side. She leaned back slightly into him. He was solidly planted and did not sway.

She felt him nuzzle at her neck and a shiver ran through her. His arms wrapped her tighter and pulled her closer into his own body. He was arm and firm and unyielding. He raised slightly from his nuzzling and his lips were at the tender flesh of her neck, moving with care and hesitation. She moaned and pressed into him, feeling his body begin to respond. Softly, playfully, she whispered, "Shane, what are you doing?."

Instantly his body tensed and he released his hold of her, "What the hell, woman?"


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N:**__ sometimes a story will take an unexpected turn - as this one has - but please remember, at the heart this is a Caryl story - I know I say that again and again - but I think for this chapter, you might just need a small reminder (to not send me hate mail) - thank you for reading, and a special thank you for those who take the time to review - remember I love you all, and I will be careful with your hearts, just please trust me _

_The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

Things got worse very quickly. As Carol turned around to face Daryl and the consequences of her reaction, she spotted Shane, just beyond Daryl's shoulder, making his way up to the field kitchen.

Daryl backed away from her, his shoulders hitched back, wounded, ready to run. And yet he stood his ground, staring through her more than at her. His eyes said what he seemed unable to.

Shane was getting closer. There wasn't enough time to make things right with Daryl, she didn't even know how. The hangover had dulled her and she felt like she was moving in slow motion. She tried to puzzle out why she had mistaken Daryl for Shane. Even to her throbbing head it was clear. They were the same height, she had watched Daryl go off into the woods that morning, and it was not like Daryl to come up behind her in the daylight, but it was something Shane would do, and she'd been expecting him.

But just because she could rationalize it to herself, these things would not soothe Daryl, with whom the relationship was delicate at best. This may have just destroyed it. She rubbed the back of her neck with her hand and tried to engage his eyes. "Daryl..."

"Well, if it ain't our two lovebirds."

Shane was approaching and although his tone was light, Daryl turned to face him with a scowl, "Fuck you, Shane."

"Whoa! What did I do?" He stopped and put his hands up in mock defense.

"Don't matter, you can have her." Daryl didn't even look at her. He grabbed his crossbow and headed back to camp. Shane watched him go, both hands placed low on his hips.

"Well, if that ain't somethin'. I can piss him off without even being around. Fess up girl, what'd I do?" He was smiling at her, but his look changed to concern when he turned and saw her face.

"Hey, Carol, what's wrong?" He came toward her and placed a hand on her upper arm in comfort. He leaned forward a little to look her in the eyes.

She couldn't speak and she felt a catch in her throat. If she wasn't careful, tears would come. She'd really bungled this, whatever _this_ was.

"Come on, let's get out of the sun, yeah?" He grabbed her hand and slipped his arm behind her to guide her to the shelter of the field kitchen. He sat her at the bench of the table and got down on one knee in front of her and placed his hands on her upper arms.

"Carol. Hey, it's me. Deep breath, okay?"

She'd gone with him willingly. The light was bright, even in the shade of the trees, but here it was cool and dark. She stared at her hands in her lap. What was she even upset over? Feeling something for the first time in a long time? No, she knew. For hurting her friend.

Shane's hands on her arms felt calming and she eventually looked up at him.

"Tell me."

"I thought he was you." She shook her head and looked back down.

"Me? I don't know why that would make him so mad. Should be a compliment."

She blushed and shook her head again.

"Oh...my man tried to make a move, huh?" He tilted his head to the side and put one hand under her chin to encourage her to look at him. "And you thought it was me?"

He smiled at her when looked up. "Well, ain't that somethin'? And here I thought you just tolerated me." He was trying to lighten her mood.

She returned his smile, but it never made it to her eyes. Shane was a flirt, it was what he did. He was so good at it, he was able to distract her for a moment.

His eyes were warm and kind and it would be easy to get lost in them. It would be so much simpler with Shane. He was straightforward, he was honest, and he didn't hold back. Her attention shifted to his firm but gentle touch on her arm. And he was probably an instinctual lover. Right proper fucking with that one. No question, no hesitation, no doubt.

The thought stirred something in her. Could she maybe have both? A cocksure lover? A complex best friend? Could they coexist?

Shane stood and sat next to her on the bench. "He's wounded, Carol. I don't say that to be cruel. It just is what it is. You can't fix that. I've seen plenty of guys like him. They stay broken their whole lives and they break people." He shifted in his seat and stared ahead, out into the woods.

"I like Daryl. Rather I've grown to like Daryl. He's a good guy. He'll do anything for the group, and these days, I'd pick him to back me in a fight over Rick. But if you are looking for physical comfort, you're gonna just get a whole lotta confusion. That boy ain't got no game."

"He's older than you," Carol offered, wordlessly considering Shane's observations. She was broken too, did it mean she didn't deserve love?

"In years maybe. Emotionally he's still a 10 year old boy and you can't tell me any different."

"He's a little more complex than that Shane."

"Well, I guess you'd know that better than me. He spends the most time with you. I'm just telling you what I see." Shane shifted again and turned toward her.

"I suppose it could have been me out there. But I've been respecting your space. Trying to give you time after the loss of your girl." He placed one hand over hers.

"Besides, you are the only one who doesn't seem to hate me around here" He paused. "And you're awfully purty."

She laughed at that. "Shane..."

"It's true, you're my type."

"Ha! Your type is _woman_."

"I take offense at that," he said mockingly.

"Well, it's true, isn't it?" She smiled at him.

"Yeah, I suppose it is," he chuckled. He smiled at her and then winked.

"Seriously, Shane."

"Aw, come on Carol. I ain't half bad. I think I'm pretty cute. Don't tell me you haven't caught a sneak peek once or twice."

"Just how old are you?"

"Old enough, ma'am," he'd slipped into an exaggerated drawl, "and old enough to know what a lady like yourself might like."

"Shane, this is not helping."

"I'll mend your broken heart, ma'am. With a little bit of my sweet lovin'."

"Must you?"

"Yes, ma'am. I can cure whatever ails ya."

She was giggling now. He could be charming, and he was distracting her.

"What, you don't like my Southern lover boy?"

"Hardly," but she was smiling at him.

He studied her face for a moment and she felt a shift before he even spoke. "May I ask your permission?"

"For what?"

"Well, Daryl's already mad at the both of us. If it's okay I'd like to kiss you. Just to see, if maybe, there might be something worth pursuing."

"Are you for real?"

"What do you mean?"

"That is so weird. Why would you ask?"

"Out of respect for you."

"Since when do you ask, don't you just take?"

His eyes darkened and his expression changed. "You been talking to Lori?" He set his jaw and removed his hand from hers. "I'm only gonna say this once. She thinks I lied to her about Rick. About him being dead. She wasn't there. She doesn't understand. And she blames me for everything. She doesn't realize I was just protecting her. I never _took_ anything."

He stood and leaned against the wall of the field kitchen across from her.

"I am respectful, and I protect what I love fiercely. If Rick hadn't returned, she'd have told you that instead."

"And we wouldn't be here right now," she added.

"No, and Daryl and his fool brother would have left the group long ago. So we all have our place now, yeah?" He was staring at her with an open defiance.

She stood and walked toward him, drawn by him, drawn by the moment they'd just shared. She was confused, but she was also curious. "So what you are saying is we all are where we are supposed to be right now?"

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants and turned his head slightly to the side. "Don't rightly know. But I do know we ain't got nothin' much more than the present."

Perhaps he was right, all they really had was now. Death was a dark stalker, it sought them all. To feel yourself living was a rush, and a phantom that chased away that stalker, even if only for a short while. "Okay then. Let's see if it's even worth the bother." She drew closer to him and he pulled his hands from his pockets and placed them on her hips.

Their lips connected with a sudden sureness. His kiss was raw and powerful. She was in for some serious trouble.


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N:**__ my deepest apologies for the delay in updating this week - this was, surprisingly a difficult chapter to write and I had real life commitments this past week that hampered my ability to get it finished by Sunday - I hope to do better this coming week - the end of this story is a ways yet - if I were to guess, we are probably in for a total of 20 chapters, but as this thing as been going, I'm honestly not sure - thank you for the reviews and especially the insights and enjoyments of Shane from the last chapter - I appreciate them - and I appreciate all of you that read this story_

_The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

She spent the afternoon losing herself in chores that avoided contact with others. The kiss with Shane had been raw and honest. There was no denying they had a compatible chemistry. The kiss was brief. Shane knew what he was doing. It was just enough to show her without scaring her off.

Shane had left camp to scout the herd with Glenn, and Daryl was nowhere around. She'd considered asking Lori, but didn't feel like answering the questions she might return.

Alone with her thoughts, she tried to puzzle out where she and Daryl now stood. Shane was merely a complication at this point. Where they headed from here would only be determined by where she and Daryl were at in their relationship. But even before this she hadn't really understood. And that only frustrated her more. Daryl's actions at the field kitchen had been his boldest yet.

If she hadn't bungled it, she wondered where they would be at in this moment. As she crouched down busying herself with cleaning the pack bags. She tensed when she heard the crush of feet. A hand lightly touched her shoulder. "Hey Carol."

She relaxed slightly and looked up, her smile genuine. "Hey Rick." He moved to face her and crouched, resting his hands on his thighs.

"Could you use some help?" He gestured toward the pack bags.

"Sure." She handed him a rag and continued about the emptying and scrubbing of the bags.

"Feeling alright this morning?" Rick asked with a hint of humor in his voice. He looked up and smiled when she looked at him.

She couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I guess I don't know when to quit."

"We all need to let loose once in awhile. I think you've deserved it for quite some time."

She supposed it was a compliment and acknowledgement of the rough past few months. But it hardly seemed like she _deserved_ it. In the clarity of day, it seemed more like a foolish indulgence, and one that may have cost her more than it had been worth.

Rick grabbed another bag and started to empty it. He spoke without looking up. "Do you know what got into Daryl today?"

So this was why he'd come to chat. "Why?"

"I think the last time I saw him that pissed was when I told him I'd handcuffed his brother to the roof and left him. He stormed into camp grabbing a bag and his crossbow and said he'd be back in a couple of days."

"On his bike?" She asked, trying not to let the concern show in her voice.

"No, on foot. After last night it seemed strange to me."

"Last night?" Carol stood, stretched and sat back on the ground, cross legged this time.

"Yeah, Daryl and I had a heart to heart last night. He had some confusion about things, but I had the sense he was pretty clear by the end. Did he come talk to you this morning?"

She really didn't want to talk about this with anyone, and that included Rick. She looked at him cautiously. "He did but there was a bit of a misunderstanding. We didn't have a chance to talk."

Rick looked at her and raised an eyebrow, but he didn't probe further. He stood to hang a pack to dry in the sun and when he returned, he crouched again, this time a bit closer.

"You seem to be getting along with Shane. It's good, he needs a friend right now. He and I don't quite see eye to eye."

"Things seemed tense at the farm before the herd came," she offered. She could tell he wanted to talk about it.

He laughed a little, but his eyes looked dark to her, shaded. "That's putting it mildly. Right before that herd came, we were about to come to blows. Things happening as they did, it kind of smoothed over. But the trust is gone. So here we are."

"You've known each other a long time, must be tough. To lose a friend and still have them near." She was trying to soothe him, but she could see it stung.

"Shane was always the black to my white, the sweet to my sour."

She laughed at that. He was smiling and trying to keep things light. Rick was open and friendly but kept his true emotion walled inside. He seemed cold and precise at times, but she knew he was just containing his pain. He wore it in his expressions if not his words.

"And you can't repair it with him?"

Rick looked at her openly. "It's bigger than just Lori and Carol. It's Shane. He thinks something is rightly his that isn't. It isn't what he did, but that he doesn't think he should have to stop."

She shifted, slightly uncomfortably. This was their problem and she had her own. The fact that both of their problems had a component of Shane was not lost on her. And she felt a bit more relaxed around Rick. As if maybe she could trust him.

"I made a mistake."

Rick stopped what he was doing and looked directly at her. "Oh?"

She in turn stopped her work and dropped her voice. "But I ask that you don't share this with Lori."

He tilted his head a bit and narrowed his eyes. "Does it involve Shane?"

Carol nodded.

"Then I suppose it is best kept between us. As long as it doesn't directly impact Lori or Carl, I can respect your wishes."

She told him in simplest terms what had occurred and left out the part about kissing Shane. Rick listened as she recounted the details and at the end shook his head.

"So he didn't get a chance to talk to you?" Rick turned his head to look at her and squinted one eye against the sun.

"No." She tried to get a reading off of the sudden shift in his body language, but she was at a loss. He stopped what he was doing and let his hands dangle between his legs. He stared at them awhile before he looked up at her. "Daryl is proving to be far more complex than I could have ever imagined. In my line of work, even if you try not to profile, a pattern emerges."

"And Daryl doesn't fit that pattern," she offered.

"Right you are ma'am." Rick chuckled lightly at the formality. She could tell he was trying to keep things light. But it was suddenly clear to her what his words weren't saying. They'd had a guy talk last night and it had made Daryl bold.

"I've made a mess of things, haven't I?" She said it more to herself, but Rick replied rather quickly.

"Daryl cares for you a great dea. It isn't something that is going to be found in a few words." He shifted again, this time to move closer to her and he dropped his voice. "I do want to talk to you about Shane."

Carol felt a flutter in her chest like she'd been caught in the act. But as far as she knew, no one knew about Shane. She tried to keep her gaze even and give him no indication.

"I've seen you two spending more time together. You're a grown woman and I can't tell you what to do. But you need to know something."

She frowned at the grown woman comment and he pulled back slightly realizing his mistake. He continued more deliberately.

"You need to know that Shane and I had words right before the farm fell. I'm going to be blunt, Carol. I think he meant to kill me. You need to know that sweet and charming guy can turn on a dime and set to ruin everything you love."

She heard the catch in his voice and she watched his hands tremble a bit. She sensed the unresolved still between them, but it was not her place. Besides, she had her own complications to deal with.

Rick regained his composure and backed up a little. "We keep a civil enough peace for now. I would suspect one day he'll want to move on and I won't stop him, but with winter coming, he'll want to stay close to what he knows."

Rick stood and stretched his legs offering a hand to help her up. She could clearly see his face was crossed with concern. She spoke in an attempt to both make him feel better and to solidify her own feelings. "I think Shane is like the rest of us in that he's trying to adjust to what is now. These last months have been a test of everyone's will and character." She paused gauging his reaction.

"You two have been friends for a long time, right? High school at least? That bond, that connection to the world that once was, it makes you both stronger and weaker. Sometimes it keeps you from moving on when you really should. Guess in one way at least I feel lucky."

She thought about Ed. She thought about what her life would be right now if that walker hadn't stumbled upon him that night at the quarry. Would she even be with the group now? Ed had been talking about striking out on their own. She thought though too of Sophia and just pushed the pain deeper. These were things to puzzle out late in the night, when she could be alone with them and feel her pain and sorrow uninterrupted.

Rick nodded slowly and placed a hand lightly on her upper arm. "I thank you for your insight, Carol. I'll need to reflect on that awhile. You know, the four of us, Lori, Carl, Shane and I, we've got our own bit of a family from before all this. I need to remember that connection is just as important to Shane as it is to the three of us. I need to make things right again with him, but that is a ways along the road I think."

She touched his arm and smiled in return. She knew about needing to make things right. And as she stared at her own road, she had one idea where to start. Since both men were out of the camp, she would go back to her cabin, make some cranes, and deal with the feelings that were rising about Sophia. The rest could keep for a while.

She watched Rick head back to camp as she finished the last of the packs. He walked with silent determination, burdened by more than the loss of friendship.

In this world where everything was new, sometimes, you had to accept that you would be too.


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N:**__ to get to the answer, we sometimes take the long way around, both in dialogue with ourselves and others - I surprisingly enjoyed writing this chapter, with some new faces - thank you to my constant readers, my new readers, and the ones who have found their way home again, and always, thank you to those who take the time to review, I am blessed by your insights_

_The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

Much went missing when the world changed, but her sex drive did not appear to be one of those things. She sat on the steps of her cabin removing her boots and watching Shane across the camp. He and Glenn had returned from their scouting and were deep in conversation with Rick. His back was to her. He had strong, wide shoulders that tapered alluringly to his slim waist and hips. The light fabric of the chambray shirt he wore clung to him and outlined the form underneath.

Today he wore jeans that hugged his thighs and left little to her imagination. She caught herself whispering 'turn around' in her head. When he did turn slightly to gesture to the south direction of the camp, she could see the sleeve rolled on his bicep. There the shirt fit him like a second skin.

She'd stopped looking at men long ago. When you are trapped in a shitty marriage, men can lose their appeal. She hadn't had sexy thoughts about a man in a long time. She hadn't felt sexy in a long time. She had wanted to feel sexy in a long time.

She watched as he kicked a boot out and swayed back and forth. A random fidgeting tick of his that was damn sexy. She could imagine those hips moving in a much different rhythm. She realized when her boot hit the ground with a thud that she'd been a bit lost in her thoughts. She glanced around the camp. No one was watching thankfully. She retrieved the boot and placed it on the top step. Putting concentrated effort into removing its twin. She looked up to see the group disbanding and Glenn headed her way.

"Hey Carol." He greeted her cheery enough and sat down on the bottom step two below her, leaning back on his elbows and stretching his head back to look at her. "Will you do me a favor? Next time you get Maggie drunk, you deal with her in the morning, huh?" He smiled as he squinted into the bright light overhead.

She smiled at him. "Not pleasant I take it?"

"I always thought people hanging the next morning didn't like loud noises, at least in the movies it is that way, right?" She nodded. "I had no idea she could yell like that. I didn't even do anything."

Carol chuckled. "I don't suspect you had to. Just being within earshot was probably enough." She thought how funny that morning after is different for everyone. She bit her bottom lip slightly. "Sometimes you say things you don't mean..."

"Yeah, or in Maggie's case, yell them."

Glenn sat up suddenly as if remembering something. "Oh, hey. I did have a real reason for bugging you." She leaned forward, listening. "Shane said you found a dart board. Mind if I use it? I played all the time with my dad and I've been missing him lately."

She smiled at him. "Sure, it's still up outside the field kitchen. Will you do me a favor and bring it back to camp when you are done playing?"

Glenn jumped up and was off before spinning around. "Oh, hey, thanks! You just made my day!" He jogged off toward the field kitchen, not even pausing to check on Maggie.

She stood and came down a step to feel the crunch of ground under her toes. She looked in the direction of Maggie's cabin and it was almost too quiet. She owned her at least to make sure she was doing okay. It was advancing through the afternoon already.

She covered the distance between their cabins in her bare feet. She crept up the steps and pulled aside the canvas door. "Maggie?" There was a soft moan by way of reply and she came in, careful to settle the door back into its place.

"She's a stick in the mud." Carol turned to smile at Beth who was sitting up on the bed closest to the door, her legs crossed under her, working silently with a crochet needle and a light-colored yarn. "For all her talk, she can't hold her alcohol worth a damn." Carol raised her eyebrows at the curse word, then turned back toward Maggie, laying prone on her stomach half on and off the bed in the far corner.

"I have the flu, Beth." It was almost as if she had seen Beth roll her eyes. "I do! And you'd best keep your opinions to yourself."

Beth smiled up at Carol and shook her head. "I woke up a little fuzzy but nothing like her. I used to think she was a big shot when I was younger. Now I know it was all talk." Beth unfolded her legs and bounced up off the bed. "If you might be here a little while, I'll go and do a couple of things, I've been keeping watch over her all morning. But I think she's just fine."

Carol nodded and watched as Beth set aside her project and made for the door. "Oh, and just to humor her, feel her forehead. She thinks she has a fever coming on.'

When Beth was gone, Maggie sat herself up a little in bed. "I do think something is horribly wrong."

Carol went to her bedside and brought a hand up to test her forehead." Nothing but a little Georgia heat."

"But my mouth, it feels so..."

"Here." She grabbed a bottle of water from the bedside and handed it to her. "You are just dehydrated. It even happens to the pros." She winked at Maggie and sat on the bed that Beth had just vacated.

"My daddy did not approve. He hasn't said a word to me all morning. I don't think he understands just because he had a problem with it that I will. It was one lousy night."

"Which I won't be repeating again." Carol joined in. "It isn't worth all of the grief the next morning." She studied her hands a bit. They were a bit raw from all the hand washing. It was easy to take for granted the little things in life."

"I remember so little from the night as it progressed."

"Me too, I kind of wish I knew who took me back to my cabin."

Maggie closed one eye as if thinking. "Nope, I got nothing. Nothing at all." She laid back on her bed and curled her toes toward the ceiling.

"Well, at least you can be sure it was Glenn that took you to bed. I suspect it was Daryl or Shane, and I'm not even sure of that."

Maggie propped herself up on her elbows. "That true?" Her previous sickness seemed to evaporate. "Do tell."

"There's nothing to tell. I don't remember anything."

"Nothing at all?"

"Just vague things."

Maggie looked lost in thought for a moment. Then suddenly, "Oh! Glenn would know! Where's Glenn?"

Carol shook her head. "Not in camp at the moment."

"Yeah," Maggie said with an edge to her voice. "Avoiding me for sure."

She chuckled. "Maybe you can ask him, casually, next time you see him, and let me know. I'd like to thank the right person."

Maggie broke a wide smile. "Right, will do, I'll get right on that Carol."

They sat in silence for awhile and she could tell Maggie was thinking. When she broke that silence, it was sudden. "So which one?"

"Which one what?"

"Which one did you want to have taken you to your cabin?" She leaned forward, eyes open and bright.

"Does it really matter?"

Maggie smiled "It always matters doesn't it? Even in non-relationships we have people we prefer."

Carol considered that a moment, but found it too taxing. If she couldn't even answer Maggie, how was she going to solve her problem from this morning. "I think either would be fine honestly. They are both good men."

"Right, but isn't there one that makes your heart skip just a little faster. I dunno Carol. Do you ever think about either of them?"

She felt uncomfortable being asked that directly. And yet she thought the answer might give her some clarity. "I guess I'd say...I like them for different reasons."

"Aww, come on Carol. If I pressed you who would you say? Daryl or Shane? You know, if I'd asked you this last week, you wouldn't have even hesitated." Her eyes narrowed. "What happened, Carol?"

She looked at Maggie, hunched forward, waiting for the answer that surprised even Carol herself. "I think I realized I didn't need to be afraid any more."


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N:**__ this week's chapter was delayed due to the close out of Love In An Elevator, family obligations, and the need for a lengthier chapter than usual - this story took a twist for me I did not expect - Daryl was supposed to be in this chapter, according to my notes, but then Hershel asked to come play, and I couldn't deny him - so next chapter will have a bit of Daryl - i promise - also - still no end in sight as to when this story is through - but I'm oddly comfortable with that - thank you for reading - thank you for reviewing - and oh, I will state again just in case this chapter might cause you concern, this is a Caryl story kids, despite what may seem to be happening here - love you all!_

_The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

She'd spent some quiet time alone in her cabin after her talk with Maggie, reflecting on the last thing she'd told her and making paper cranes.

_I realized I didn't have to be afraid any more._ Of who exactly? Ed? He no longer seemed relevant, just a fading distant memory as both time and life ticked on. Of loving someone? Of loving herself maybe? Ten cranes later she still didn't know, and she set the paper and the completed cranes to the side. Sometimes a puzzle like that was best left to roll around the brain a bit.

She closed her eyes and lay back in her bed. She still had an hour before it would be time to start dinner. She let her mind drift to happy times with Sophia. Just her and Sophia. Doing the little things. Living in the treasured moments. Those things that sustained her in another life sustained her still. She was able to still take comfort in motherhood, even though it was just a memory now too.

When she opened her eyes, the light had shifted. It was time to prepare dinner. She decided the best thing to do would be to lose herself in the task. Caring for others was something she did naturally, and it was a simple comfort for her. One that took no effort.

Beth joined her and worked quietly by her side. She looked up from preparing the fish at one point to see Shane, perched on the steps to his cabin staring at her. He smiled at her and nodded his head by way of greeting. She smiled and dropped her head back to work. But when she dared to steal a glance, she found him still staring at her, openly. He sat on the top stop to his cabin with his elbows resting on his knees, occasionally running his top teeth over his bottom lip.

She decided to call him out. "Shane," she looked up engaging his stare.

"Yes ma'am?" He continued to stare but a smile broke over his face from his lips to eyes. His beautiful brown eyes with long lashes.

She swallowed. "How about you make yourself useful and dispose of these fish guts, since you seem to have a bit of time on your hands?"

He beamed at her and rose from the cabin step, his long legs unfolding as he stood. It was hard to not look at his form and feel something. He had a beautiful body, even if his personality was a bit intense. She watched him cross the camp, his shirt tight against his chest. He'd changed into a t-shirt and it clung to him in the Georgia heat.

He snatched up the bowl from the table and leaned in slightly, bracing one arm on the table. "Anything else I can do for ya, ma'am?" He was teasing her and flirting too. His eyes stared right through her. "Maybe a game of darts after dark? I remembered a move that works every time to hit the board. I'd love to show you." He broke his eyes from hers and looked her over, smiling as he did. "You have the right build for darts."

"I'm busy tonight, turning in early, but I'll keep that in mind." No reason not to flirt back. She was only human, and it wasn't like she had not interest. She just needed more time. But this one, he seemed ready, any time, any where. If she came to his side of the table right now, grabbed his hand and took him to her cabin, he'd be inside of her within five minutes she was sure of it. She respected that kind of raw sexuality, but it wasn't her way either. A lot had changed these last few moments, but that part of her had not. She still needed a deeper connection.

She watched him walk off with the bowl of fish guts and sighed. What a phenomenal backside, shoulders to thighs. A girl could still look, right? She had no guilt whatsoever. But if this was the man she invited to her bed, he'd have to do a whole lot more than look pretty in his clothes.

The meal was spent in silence. Maggie joined them but still appeared to be hanging. Daryl's absence was noted but not discussed. Lori looked at her with interest a couple of times, but never approached her. She went to bed early with tummy troubles. Shane spent most of the meal directly opposite her, taking every opportunity to stare and smile. At one point while the others were distracted, she mouthed "Really?" to him and he just smiled wider. She saw Rick eye him suspiciously once or twice, but he didn't say anything, sharing only once a look of concern with her. She was sure he would talk to her later about it.

After the meal, Hershel came to her side and engaged her in conversation. Once or twice a week he did this. She sensed he missed his wife and she was perhaps the closest substitute. His conversations were always interesting and helped the evening to pass quickly. Tonight she was especially grateful, as it kept Shane at a distance. He sat quietly at the edge of the fire, alternating starting at her and off into the woods.

She wondered what secrets they held. She remembered what Daryl had said. About Shane sneaking off to the woods. Something was out there for Shane, she just didn't know what. And maybe it didn't matter. They were all entitled to keep their lives as hidden as they wished. It was just difficult in a group of this size. Constantly on top of each other and the other's entertainment. Both a blessing and curse she thought. And more true for some than others.

Maggie walked over while she was deep in conversation with Hershel. "Daddy, can I interrupt to tell Carol something?" She leaned in close so only Carol could hear. "Glenn says it was Daryl." Maggie pulled away and kissed Hershel on the cheek. "Night, Daddy." She headed off to her cabin but first raised her eyebrows in an expression of her curiosity.

She considered this while Hershel wound down his conversation. She thought it was an excellent time to try to ask him for some advice. "Have you ever found yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place?"

Hershel looked at her kindly "Do you mean torn between two lovers? It doesn't take a very clever man to tell what has been going on. To notice the chemistry you might have with certain members of the group. If I was a younger man, I might throw my hat in the ring. As it stands, I am merely a useful council." He smiled at her softly.

"Although as a warning, I will bring to your attention that Shane is not my favorite person in what is left of the world, given the circumstances by which he stormed my barn. So I might not be the best person to be asking about this."

She touched his hand lightly. "I would appreciate any advice you could give. I mainly need to get my bearings. I feel a bit lost to be honest."

He smiled at her warmly. "When I lost my first wife, the love of my life, I never thought I would love again. But God saw fit to send not one, but two women my way. And they were as different as day and night. I'm sure now that it was a test from God because I fell for both of them, for different reasons, but both of them nonetheless. But the great irony of that test was that in the end, I married neither." He paused, staring into the fire a bit.

"Sometimes, Carol, attraction is not enough. I suppose what you need to ask of yourself is what you want, both now and for the future. Because what both of those men have to offer for each is very different. Daryl is a kind man with a big heart, so big he doesn't know what to do with it. Shane on the other hand wears his heart like a second skin. What you see with that man is what you get. But there can be comfort in both and both men are capable of love in their own ways." He considered this a moment before continuing.

"I think it comes down quite simply to what you want and need. I don't imagine that the woman you are in this moment is quite the same one that existed before the fever came. And I don't imagine the woman you will become is either. Perhaps you will need to ask yourself which man is up to that journey. Or you can take my advice and enjoy them both and live your future open, ready to receive what God might have in store for you."

She smiled at him and laid her hand warmly over his. He talked an awful lot of God's plan, but she let it go. His advice was good, better perhaps because he had lived it. She squeezed his hand affectionately and stood, excusing herself for the night.

She wished a good night to T-dog, who smiled at her warmly, and Beth who gave her a brief hug. Carl had followed his mother shortly after she left, and Glenn hadn't returned from walking Maggie to her cabin. She guessed that Rick and Shane had taken watch.

She was tired, it had been an exhausting day and she still had so much to work out, but she was ready for sleep. She also had to figure out what to do with the knowledge that Daryl was the one who had brought her to her bed.

When she climbed the steps to her cabin and pulled aside the canvas door, she felt a hand at her elbow. She froze in place and turned to see Shane. "Do you have a minute?" He asked innocently. She glanced around the camp and no one seemed to be looking. She motioned for him to enter and allowed the canvas door to drop into place. It was dark in her cabin and still, but she knew the simple floor plan by heart.

She switched on the camp light by her bedside and turned to face him. He was biting his lower lip and looking at her. He turned his head slightly. "Carol." He placed his hand on her upper arm, firm but soft at the same time. Making her both aware of his presence, and unguarded. "Can we talked about this morning?" His eyes looked very warm in this partial light, it played off the irses, making them look almost golden.

"What is there to say, Shane?" She wasn't ready to talk about it. She didn't know how she felt and she didn't want to have any conversation right now, let alone this one. "We kissed. Do you think you could let me process that for a little bit?"

"But you felt it, right?" He brought his other hand up to touch her other arm. Like he was steadying her, grounding her. He took his right hand and placed it first over her heart and then to his, while saying "You...me...we have chemistry, right?" He sounded almost desperate, so she softened a bit, trying to calm him.

She looked him directly in the eyes. "Shane, I'm not denying it...I just...I need..."

Shane signed deeply. "Daryl, right? That's all that is keeping you from kissing me right now, right?" He looked at his hand on her arm and pulled it back slowly, letting it drop by his side. He shook his head slowly up and down, his teeth playing against his lower lip. "I get that, I do." He pulled her hand into his and looked into her eyes. "That boy ran away Carol. He didn't stop and give you your space to understand. You think he won't run and leave you? I stay loyal, Carol. I protect what's mine. Think about that tonight while you are in here torturing yourself with easy decisions."

He dropped her hand and turned to leave, walking wordlessly to the door. He suddenly spun on his his heel and closed the gap in two steps, cupping her face on both sides with his hands. His kiss was deep and full of longing. Of raw desire. And that same desire shone in his eyes. He brought one hand to pull her close and against his obvious erection.

"I want you Carol. I will leave no question to linger in your mind." He pulled from her and left her cabin. She stood, staring at the still swaying canvas door. The heat she felt burned hotter than a Georgia summer and wetter than a spring rain. She was left trembling like an autumn leaf, right before the fall.


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/N:**__ this chapter was a bit of a challenge - to bring these two together again after such a hurt was no easy thing, and the Muses were being fickle - what finally helped break the stuck was a song from HappyBlueInk's Caryl playlist, Land Locked Blues by Bright Eyes - something about this kind just helped in the end - but music is such an important part of our lives, I think in the ZA I would miss my iPod the most - hope you enjoy, and as always, thank you for the reads and review - I love you all - and I hope that the next update will come along a bit easier, now that tension is broken a bit._

_The Walking Dead and identifiable characters, places, and events are not mine - no infringement is intended or implied - my stories are written out of love and a need to create and are solely for entertainment purposes_

* * *

Despite retiring early, sleep eluded her through the night. At the first sign of morning, well before dawn, when the birds begin to sing, she rose. She needed to take a walk and clear her head. For a moment she almost forgot the world she lived in now. Halfway across the camp, she turned back and found a long metal pole that she could use both as a walking stick and to defend herself if needed.

She'd been practicing shooting with some of the guys, but she didn't feel confident enough to carry a gun on her own, let alone respond quickly with it. A knife was too intimate, she wasn't ready to let a walker get that close. So the pole was her best option. At least for now. If her luck held, it would merely be a precaution.

As she left the center of camp, she passed by T-Dog, sitting watch on a log, looking out across the same meadow she had gone worm hunting with Shane. "Morning T," she called softly but clearly so as not to startle him.

"Morning Carol," he returned

She came up to stand beside him looking out over the open space. "Been quiet?"

He turned to look at her. "Rick had a straggler last night. Stumbling on its own. Stragglers always make me nervous the next day." He turned something about in his hands as he looked out over the field. She drew near and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"She loved you, T."

"Not enough apparently," he whispered.

"You kept your word, not many men I know have done that, or will do that when they are called upon. But you did." She let her hand rub along his back. It was a deep hurt.

"I should have fought her."

"You made her a promise at the quarry, you loved her enough to keep it. There is no reason to regret the things you did out of love. You told me you talked that night before. You had your peace with her."

He nodded. 'When Jacqui gave me her stone that night, I knew. She was through with her worry."

"Jacqui was the strongest woman I ever knew, she was fighting a lot. She finally had a say." She brought her arm around his shoulder and gave him a hug. It would never be enough, she knew, but it was something. A little touch in the darkness is sometimes all it takes to keep going. She pulled away from him and patted his back.

"I'm going for a walk this morning, if anyone comes looking for me. I'll be back after a while. I'll follow the stream, just so you know."

He turned to look at her. "Will you be okay alone, or do you need some company? I can get someone to take watch for me and I'd go with you if you like."

"No, I'll be fine. Especially if I know you are keeping watch." She smiled at him and patted his back twice. "You take care of yourself, especially that heart of yours." She moved in the direction of the stream, but turned back to holler back him. "I love you T, don't forget that!"

She followed the stream that led away from the camp. She would not get lost that way and the sound of flowing water would be a soothing backdrop to her thoughts. She needed something to move them along. After last night she was even more conflicted.

It was one thing to have desire for someone. To see them from a distance and wonder. Quite another to be wanted and to be shown in clear terms that desire is mutual. In that sense, Shane was uncomplicated. He left no room for doubt.

As she picked her way along the the fishing trail that followed the stream, she moved slowly. Cautious of every movement, wary of every sound. It was so still here. Untouched quiet.

The fishing camp was more ideal than most places. Situated so that it kept them more isolated from the two nearby herds than other locations would have. But it was not secure for long, they could see that much. Another two to three weeks and they would be vulnerable, that was if the herds held their course. Longer if they did not.

It meant they would have to move soon and find a more secure and lasting place to spend the winter. Which meant that she had to figure things out as well. Likely their new situation would have them in close quarters and if she wasn't careful, it might be a very uncomfortable winter.

She watched the sunrise with interest. It seemed much more beautiful to her now than it ever had before. Was it because there was less pollution in the air? Or was it that even little things seemed more special now? To wake and watch the sun rise and count yourself among the living for one more day might have been part of it too.

She'd been walking for awhile when she came to a widening in the stream. The banks expanded here because the stream flow around a large flat rock in the middle of it. The rock had stood its ground and the water just flowed on. Rather much like the man now perched there.

As she approached from the distance, she knew it was him. His was hunched over staring at the water, his hands braced at the edge of the rock and his feet dangling into the water. He did not look up as she approached, though she was sure he'd heard her. Likely he'd seen her approaching long before she saw him. It was not until she reached the edge of the stream, just near the rock, that he looked at her, but he didn't say a word.

She kicked off her boots and laid the pole and pack down. She took care in crossing the water to crawl up next to him on the rock. Even though it only came up just past her ankles it was rocky. It was also rather cold. It was early morning, and it was also early fall. It felt good, but it gave her a slight chill. The rock was large enough for three to sit comfortably. It was wide and flat and rose out of the water just slightly, enough to dangle your feet into the watert. It was a lovely spot to sit and think.

She pulled her legs up to her chest, letting her feel rest firmly on the rock. She could feel him behind her, almost close enough to touch. They let the silence sit between them for awhile. Neither saying a word. Their steady breathing the only sounds outside of nature.

When he spoke it was only one word, "Shane."

It wasn't an accusation or a question. It was simply a statement of fact. She considered a minute and waited before replying, "Daryl."

There was a catch in his voice and a scoff. "Choice?" This time, there was the edge of a question.

She didn't hesitate. "Doubt."

This time he chuckled uncomfortably. "The choice or me?"

"Myself." She sighed and let her feet slide off the rock and dangle into the water.

There was nothing between them. A mere three inches of air at most, and yet to her, he felt miles away. And she felt like she'd pushed him there. They had built what relationship they had slowly. Comfort levels and trusts that were not freely given on first attempt or even second.

She sighed and leaned forward, peering at her reflection in the water. This was her life. It was all she had to work with and if she didn't make the best of it, no one else could be to blame. She did not expect him to understand. They were very different people.

It was easy to say they were the same, that they came to this life now as damaged people. But damage did not make them twins, did not give them the same heart or the same mind.

It was an impossible situation this. She could see no way through it. She felt the water swirling around her feet, heard the rush of it as it hit the rock. Be the river. It really was that simple wasn't it?

This rock stood its ground and the river flowed around it. Instead of trying to do the impossible, she would just work with what she had. She would flow over this obstacle and life would continue on. In a hundred years both they and likely the rock would be gone. That was not the fate of the walker world, but the truth of human existence. Just as surely as the river would wear down the rock, so too would their lives end. They only had now. And they had this moment on this rock.

She came to sit straight again after gazing into the river, and as she did, she came into contact with his back. He had shifted, moved closer to her. Had felt her pull forward and had naturally eased back, following her to keep the distance. He was startled by her sudden contact and froze. He seemed tense against her back. She pressed gently with her back against him. He leaned forward some but did not break contact.

"It was out of character for you," she offered suddenly, not sure why she did.

"But not for Shane?" he countered.

"No, not for Shane."

"Expected of Shane?"

"Not expected of you."

"So must be Shane."

"Odds to Shane."

"Is that all I am? A fuckin' numbers game to ya?"

She sighed. "No, never."

"But your words are game words." He sighed and she felt his shoulder slump. "I dunno. I guess I thought..."

She listened, feeling a sudden heaviness in her heart.

"...I thought we had an understanding. I'm not good with words, Carol. I never have been."

She sat in silence confused. The understanding of which he spoke was tenuous at best. She was suddenly resentful. Was she to make connections between his fragmented affections and come to the same understanding?

As she sat with the feeling of this moment, they felt even more broken than before. She took a deep breath, trying to come back to the conversation, as it was.

"Just what did you understand?" she asked quietly.

She felt him adjust against her, sitting straighter, but not breaking contact with her back. He softened a little. "Hell, I dunno, I didn't think I had to declare myself to ya." She felt him pull away from her and slide off the rock into the water. "Ya best get back Carol. They're probably wondering where ya got yourself off to."

He came to her side and offered his hand to help steady her. She came off the rock and stood there for a moment, holding his hand, letting the water swirl around them. He kept his eyes fixed at a point on the bank, but he didn't let go of her hand.

He spoke unexpectedly, avoiding eye contact. "Just know, whatever you decide, I won't fight him for ya. It isn't my way. If ya don't know how I feel about ya, I'm not gonna waste my time making ya see." He paused, moving to the bank. Stepping up first and steadying her as she came out of the water. "And if ya think I'll stop coming around just because ya wanna fuck Shane, ya don't understand me at all."

He dropped her hand and stooped to adjust some items in his pack and she caught a flash of pink.

His words stung her a bit. "Are you going to make this about getting laid?"

He rose keeping his back to her. "You're not?"

"It was just a kiss, nothing more."

He turned slowly to face her, dropping his head slightly to the right, searching her eyes. "But I didn't kiss you." He shouldered his pack and walked off in the opposite direction of the camp.

_"Tell Rick I'll be back tonight. And tell Shane congratulations."_


End file.
